Category: Relationship

  • How to Treat you enemy.

    How to Treat you enemy.

    A large number of prayers are being devoted to killing enemies in African churches and you could wonder as to how much resources we earmarked for the destruction of another human being.

    Before we proceed, let established four points.

    1. You don’t have a human enemy.

    Devil is your enemy, influencing unregenerated human beings to hate you. I said unregenerated because you can’t be a Christian and hate someone. Therefore, leave your fellow human beings alone and face Satan.

    Are you going to pray for Satan to die? No! Doing so is wasting precious time and saliva because Satan is a spirit (and spirit doesn’t die). What you should do to Satan is to resist him. After resisting him, stand firm.

    So be subject to God. Resist the devil [stand firm against him], and he will flee from you.
    James 4:7
     Therefore put on God's complete armor, that you may be able to resist and stand your ground on the evil day [of danger], and, having done all [the crisis demands], to stand [firmly in your place].
    Ephesians 6:13.

    2. You will have an enemy.

    There is no how, all the people will like you because you are not ice cream. Even if you are ice cream, some people will just hate you for no reason. Some will hate you for a reason. Even God have enemies and who are the enemies of God, if not the wicked?

    Infact, some people can become your enemy because you are looking for their uplifting and betterment? Human hearts are so deceptive.

    3. Do not be somebody’s enemy.

    People will hate you but you don’t have to pay hate with hate.

    I bet it with you that some people want you to hate them consciously and unconsciously, in words and in deeds. Still don’t hate them.

    Why shouldn’t you hate? One, there is no hatred with God. Even when some people rejected His eternal plan of salvation, still He loves them. Two, since you are God’s ambassador here, it is demanded of you to behave like Him.

    4. God expect you to treat your enemy nicely, dutifully, respectfully and in the manners He treated His own enemies.

    How then do you treat your enemy nicely, dutifully, respectfully and how did God treat His enemies? Thanks to God for not leaving us unguided about dealing with enemies.

    Deal with your enemy thus:

    1. Love for your enemy.

    This command is directly from our Lord Jesus Christ

    You have heard that it was said, You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy; But I tell you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,
    Matthew 5:43 - 44.

    2. Pray for your enemy.

    You don’t only love him/her, you are also expected to love. One God is love and you are His image and Bible enjoins us to bless and curse not.

    3. Feed your enemy.

    Give the person that hates you food, give him clothes and find a way for your hater to sleep (not under the same roof though).

    God feed His own enemies by providing food, sunlight and rain for them and doing so mean you are aiming for God’s reward and be GODLY.

     If your enemy is hungry, give him bread to eat; and if he is thirsty, give him water to drink; For in doing so, you will heap coals of fire upon his head, and the Lord will reward you.

    Proverbs 25:21


    To show that you are the children of your Father Who is in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the wicked and on the good, and makes the rain fall upon the upright and the wrongdoers [alike]. For he causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.For if you love those who love you, what reward can you have? Do not even the tax collectors do that?
    Matthew 5:45 - 47.

    4. Don’t allow his/her property to ruin if you have the power to prevent the decline.

    If you meet your enemy's ox or his donkey going astray, you shall surely bring it back to him again. If you see the donkey of one who hates you lying [helpless] under his load, you shall refrain from leaving the man to cope with it alone; you shall help him to release the animal. 
    Exodus 23:4 - 5.

    What the passages mean is that

    • If you see a link that can benefit haters, share it.
    • If your enemy’s child comes for your help, render it.
    • If you see danger ahead, notify him/her .
    • Etc.

    This is an instruction, not a suggestion.

    5. Rejoice not about enemy’s downfall

    Why? Because Yahweh hates it.

     Rejoice not when your enemy falls, and let not your heart be glad when he stumbles or is overthrown, lest the Lord see it and it be evil in His eyes and displease Him, and He turn away His wrath from him [to expend it upon you, the worse offender].  Proverbs 24:18 - 19.

    Will it be easy doing all these un-human acts (un-human because a natural man is revenge-certified)? It won’t but doing so means obeying God and that comes with a whole loads of benefits.

    Why should you do it? Do it because in the God’s kingdom, we repay good with evils, bless and don’t curse.

    May God gives us the strength to do as He does in Jesus mighty name.

  • 20 Facts About Me.

    20 Facts About Me.

    I am sharing with you 20 facts you probably don’t know about me.

    Some of these facts are shocking, embarrassing, bizzare, funny and unbelievable but none of them is a lie and the purpose is to tell you that I am a human like you. Okay! Let’s ride!

    1. My pregnancy lasted for 10 months, 3 week. My mama tried oo oo ๐Ÿ˜

    2. I was born on 7th September, 19** without the aid of midwife.

    3. I start school at age 5.

    4. And I can read and write before starting school because I attended Jeleosinmi (let the house rest) – a kind of pre-nursery then.

    5. My first nickname is ร‰jรญbรญtรฌ (Egypt) as given by Saheed, latter Opamose (Moses’s rod) by Johnson but now officially I am Aladeinternational.

    6. I was the class governor from J.S.S 1 – S.S 3.

    7. Apart from brilliance, I became very popular during secondary school days because I fought on assembly ground with Alamu Christianah (of blessed memory now ๐Ÿ˜ญ ). We became best of friends after then.

    8. I got 2 votes out of possible 350 votes when I contested for class representative during my undergraduate day at year 1.

    9. Later, I won election unopposed as PRO of my departmental association. I am the second person to occupy that post.

    10. I wooed girl for the first time at age 17 (Grace) and between then and now, I had asked 17 ladies to be my girlfriend (including my fiancรฉe). 7 said yes and I eventually dated 3. Married 1

    11. I am happily married. โค๏ธโค๏ธโค๏ธ

    12. I met my wife under the mango tree ๐Ÿ˜„๐Ÿ˜ƒ.

    13. I have a Muslim crush called Semiat and

    14. I have two Aunties who are married to Muslims, therefore I have Muslim cousins.

    15. I will be unveiling my 2 eBook titled A to Z of content creation and Before You Say I do this month. Watch out on this space.

    16. I don’t have favourite anything except colour which is Blue and that is why I am a Chelsea FC fan.

    17. I became born again during Reinhard Bonnke first crusade in Ogbomoso and got baptized on November 22nd, 2015.

    18. I am 100% biological Baptist and both paternal and maternal grandparents are.

    19. I started blogging in 2010 with oppamose.blogspot.com then latter to oluwajoel.livejournal.com

    20. I have been to 7 states of Nigeria namely, Osun, Ogun, Kwara, Jigawa, Edo Kano and Kaduna state. I have also being to Niger Republic.

    The bonuses are:

    21. My family house where I grew up had a bar infront of it. One day, someone gave me leftover palm wine to drink. Well, I drank it and went inside and told my dad and he beat me since then which is my first time of taking anything alcohol, I have never tasted nor drink alcohol or smoke in my life.

    22. I was given a prize for being honest (for returning 25 naira that was lost and found by me) during end of the year program.

    23. I have donated blood free of charge, 5 times.

    24. I have equally read Bible from Genesis to Revelation, 7 times and

    25. I am Alade Joel Adetunji, a writer, blogger, Sunday Sunday teacher, food activist, lover boy, God-engraced and empowered plus many more accolades to come.

    Feel free to drop 5 facts about you in the comment section.

  • THIS IS WHY YOU SHOULD READ YOUR BIBLE DAILY

    Hey friends, how are you today? Wellโ€ฆ we have welcomed the second week of a brand-new year. Already week number two is upon us; how are you doing? My friend says, โ€œwill this be a new year, where we implement new plans to draw us closer to the Lord, or will it be the same [โ€ฆ]

    THIS IS WHY YOU SHOULD READ YOUR BIBLE DAILY
  • Should We have Friends?

    Should We have Friends?

    From L – R: Tunji, I and Odunola, back in 2015.

    Let me tell you a story that happened to me in my final year in University. It is a story of how a firend make my final year, easy and smooth-free.

    Getting to 500l is already tiresome but being in that last lap with a laptop is stressful and here I am without one and with no money to buy one.

    My prayers for my friends.

    But a friend gave me her laptop at a very reduced price after a brief chit-chat with her on a general issue which veered off to laptop’s matter.

    You purchased the thing now? If she didn’t sell at that giveaway price, I wouldn’t be able to afford one. I count it as her parting gift and that gift made the final year awesome for me.

    For doing that, I won’t forget her.

    Now, ask yourself the following questions:

    Should I have friends?

    Must I have friends? Talkless of having close-knit friends?

    What are the essences, benefits and usefulness of friends?

    Do I have friends? Are they good friends?

    Are mine a good friend?

    You may be surprised that I am asking you all those questions. Of course, you have a friend(s) – some casual and some deep. I too have friends across religious, cultural and tribal divides that have spanned more than 20 years.

    Recently, I was reading the portion of the Bible where a paralytic man was taken to Jesus Healing and Teaching Crusade and they couldn’t find a way to get him to Jesus but they did something that always amazed me about friends and friendship. Instead of returning their friends home, they did the impossible and the unexpected.

    The paralytic man being carried by his friends to Jesus teaching and healing crusade.

    When they could not find a way to do this because of the crowd, they went up on the roof and lowered him on his mat through the tiles into the middle of the crowd, right in front of Jesus. When Jesus saw their faith… So he said to the paralyzed man, โ€œI tell you, get up, take your mat and go home.โ€ Immediately he stood up in front of them, took what he had been lying on and went home praising God. Everyone was amazed and gave praise to God. They were filled with awe and said, โ€œWe have seen remarkable things today.โ€ Luke 5:19 – 26 NIV

    Because of this man’s friends, 4 things happened:

    1. He was healed
    2. He was forgiven of his sin
    3. He praised God.
    4. People praised God.

    And that is how God wants your friendship to be.

    A friend in need, is a friend indeed.

    God made us want and need friendship. But some friendships got entangled in comparison and competition. Some friendships lack healthy boundaries while some friendships need a tune up and some need to be cancelled. (How to have healthy friendships’ devotional plan emphasis mine) but first who is a friend?

    Fun-fact: The word friend was mentioned 155 times in the Bible.

    According to Advanced Oxford Dictionary, a friend is a person you know very well and regard with affection and trust.

    Secondly, why should we even have friends? The purposes of friendship are numerous, some of them are:

    1. Friends are useful for carrying us.

    Like the paralytic man in Luke 5, we all need friends who will carry us in prayers, words of encouragement, helps, supports and advice like most of David’s friends.

    2. We are Relational Beings.

    God did not create anyone to be stand-alone. He created us to have a relationship with Him and fellow human beings like us (father, mother, brother, sister and friend). So one of the channels of fulfilling that purpose of God is through quality friendship.

    3. To solve problem together.

    Since you can’t be alone courtesy of the fact that you are a relational being, God doesn’t want you to tackle the problem alone. He doesn’t want you to bottle up the feeling. He wants you to talk to someone who is in the best position to hear your real and unreal cries and who is the best position, if not someone you regard with affection and trust?

    4. Friends are constant lovers.

    Like that age-long proverb that says that a friend in need, is a friend indeed. A good friend loves you like Jonathan loves David. He/she also desires and strives to have you as a better individual.

    A friend loves at all time… Proverbs 17:17 (AMP).

    5. Even God have friends.

    God have friends. Abraham is God’s friend, so is David. So therefore if we have friends, we are God-like.

    Jesus even called us His friends, if we obey Him (John 15:14-15).

    The cloud of witnesses about us have friends while they are in these mortal bodies.

    6. Friends help our ‘visions.’

    I needed a friend to see what I couldnโ€™t. The truth. So often we look at the details all over the landscapeโ€”the millions of trees. And we miss the forest. Those overarching truths that cover us and provide shade and security and keep us grounded.

    Now to answer, our question, we should have friends albeit good ones.

    In conclusion, the question before you and mine now is; are mine a good friend to my friend or not? Do I even have good friends?

  • New Video Alert – How to cook Nigerian okro in one minute.

    New Video Alert – How to cook Nigerian okro in one minute.

    Hi guys, Welcome back to my Channel
    Todayโ€™s video is how to make delicious Nigerian okro in one minute

    Here’s the link to the video
    https://youtu.be/uW23I3g-yf4

    I’d love you to please like, comment and subscribeโค๏ธ Make sure you put on the notification bell just to support me and make sure you engage my videos.
    Thank you so much for your support๐Ÿ’™ God bless you.

  • How to worship God.

    What most of us called worship is 5-minutes song singing and dancing during church services or listening to so called Worship leaders like Joe Houston, Micheal W. Smith, Hillsong, etc., whereas the concept of worship is more than that.

    Worship is all inclusive.

    By the way of definition, Worship is any thing that we do that’s pleasing to God in order to acknowledge His Godliness.

    ย So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do everything for the glory of God.
    1 Corinthians 10:31
    (Christian Standard Bible (CSB).

    For a repeat, Worship is anything you do to glorify God.

    Here are some of the ways, you can actually worship:

    1. Accepting Jesus Christ as Lord.

    The first and foremost act of worship is to acknowledge righteousness of God in Christ Jesus.

    Any intended worship devoid of God is in vain.

    2. Living a holy life.


    The second act of worship for any Christian is to live a holy, sinless life – i.e., shunning anything that have appearance of evils.

    Therefore, brothers and sisters, in view of the mercies of God, I urge you to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God; this is your true worship
    Romans 12:1
    (Christian Standard Bible (CSB).

    3. Prayer.


    Prayer is first a medium of communication between God and His children; not neccesarily a request/problem solving arena.
    We don’t pray because we have problem, we pray to worship our God – who is also our teacher.

    Prayer means acknowledging God in all your ways and leaning not on your understanding because the folly of God is still wiser than theย  highest wisdom of man.

    4. Being Just in your dealings.

    You are worshipping God if you’re just i.e., you do unto others as you want them to do to you.

    A husband is just if he loves his wife and a wife is just if she submits to her husband.

    A congregant is just if he/she supports his pastoral ministry.

    A just Christian brother prays for his sister.

    An employer is just if he/she pays his/her employees as at when due and the employee perform his job diligently.

    5. Singing, dancing and Merry-making.

    The Bble accurately told us God required praise songs and offerings/sacrifices of our lips and legs as a means of worship of Him.

    So, when we sing to God, we are joining the angelic in their daily job whereas Numbers and Ecclesiastes are pointer to the fact that God wants to merry in His presence in moderation and sober reflection because He is the Creator of festivals.


    6. To be contented.


    To be contented means to be satisfied with the stations God is currently keeping you and to avoid covetousness.

    Godliness and contentment is a great gain.

    7. Open hand and pocket.

    You can’t called yourself a true worshipper if you are stingy. God is generous and He expected us to be too.
    True worship is taking care of the fatherless and the orphans.

    8. Lastly, you worship God in spirit and in truth.

    May our hearts of worship be acceptable to God.

  • New Channel Alert – You must Read this!

    New Channel Alert – You must Read this!

    NEW CHANNEL ALERT

    Hi, dear
    I hope this meet you well?

    I’m so delighted to announce to you that I just launched my channel on YouTube๐Ÿฅฐ๐Ÿ™ˆ

    This is a relationship channel where I’d be uploading top notch Relationship ideas every week, ranging from Friendship, Courtship and Dating.

    I’d love you to please subscribe and put on the notification bell just to support me and make sure you engage my videos.

    Here’s the link to my channel๐Ÿ‘‡
    Moments with Jo

    Thank you so much for your support๐Ÿ’™
    God bless you.

  • โ€˜Lordโ€ฆ Give Me Success Todayโ€™ – YouVersion

    How to Be a Huge Success is a little book of quotations and tips from a variety of well-known โ€˜successfulโ€™ people. The back cover asks, โ€˜Are you on a collision course with fame, fortune or greatness?โ€™ This is so often how โ€˜successโ€™ is perceived in our society. Perhaps because of some of its negative connotations, sometimes in the church we are a little wary of the word โ€˜successโ€™. However, โ€˜successโ€™ is not a dirty word in the Bible. It occurs at least five times in our Old Testament passage for today (Genesis 24:12,21,40,42,56) โ€“ each time in a very positive light. Success is a blessing from the Lord (vv.31,50). Success is a good thing. However, the ministry of Jesus and the message of the Bible redefines success.

    Psalm 8:1

    Praise God for the success of his creation

    In our galaxy there are probably over a hundred-billion stars like our sun. Our galaxy is one of a hundred-billion galaxies. When we consider the vastness of the universe it is easy to feel small and insignificant.

    David starts and ends this psalm by worshipping God for the success of his creation (vv.19).

    As he stares into the night sky, David says, โ€˜I look up at your macro-skies, dark and enormous, your handmade sky-jewellery, Moon and stars mounted in their settings. Then I look at my micro-self and wonder, Why do you bother with us? Why take a second look our way?โ€™ (vv.3โ€“4, MSG).

    David marvels at the fact that human beings are the pinnacle of Godโ€™s creation โ€“ a masterpiece โ€“ made in his image. Not only does God love you and care about you (v.4), but he has given you extraordinary privileges: โ€˜You made them a little lower than the heavenly beings and crowned them with glory and honour. You made them rulers over the works of your hands; you put everything under their feetโ€™ (vv.5โ€“6).

    We have been put in charge of everything God has made. Knowing this, Christians should be at the forefront of the protection, preservation and care of Godโ€™s amazing creation.

    Of course, Godโ€™s original plan for our dominion over creation has been distorted. However, in the New Testament, we see these verses are also applied directly to Jesus (Hebrews 2:8). In Christ, creation is restored (Ephesians 1:19โ€“23; 2:5โ€“6), and one day it will be complete and we will see everything under his feet (1 Corinthians 15:24โ€“26).

    Lord, I see the vastness, beauty and success of your creation and proclaim: โ€˜O Lord, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth!โ€™ (Psalm 8:9).

    Matthew 9:35

    Pursue success modelled on Jesus

    Jesus redefines success. If you want to know what true success looks like, study the model of Jesus โ€“ his vision, life and teaching. It is the kind of success that is not universally recognised as such.

    Jesus was both admired and hated. Success does not necessarily mean popularity. Some admired him: โ€˜Thereโ€™s never been anything like thisโ€™ (v.33, MSG). Others hated him. The Pharisees said, โ€˜Itโ€™s nothing but hocus-pocus. Heโ€™s probably made a pact with the Devilโ€™ (v.34, MSG).

    As followers of Jesus, you also may be both admired and hated. For example, because of his campaign to end the slave trade, it was said of William Wilberforce that he was the most admired and the most hated man in England.

    In his Gospel, Matthew sets out the success of Jesusโ€™ ministry (ch.5โ€“9). He summarises, โ€˜Jesus went through all the towns and villages, teaching in their synagogues, proclaiming the good news of the kingdom and healing every disease and illnessโ€™ (9:35).

    In word and action Jesus ushered in the kingdom of God, bringing the reality of Godโ€™s rule and presence into the lives of those around him. This is what Jesus-style success looks like and this is what you and I are called to emulate.

    To achieve Jesus-style success you, like the twelve disciples, need to model your life on Jesus and share his vision:

    1. The need is urgent

    Jesus saw that โ€˜they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherdโ€™ (v.36). Today, we see millions who donโ€™t know Jesus and are spiritually lost. In addition, we see millions who are starving, homeless, suffering from preventable diseases and without even the most basic education.

    2. The motive is love

    Jesus had compassion (v.36). This is the strongest word for love in the Greek language (derived from the Greek word for โ€˜gutsโ€™). It is used only of Jesus. It could be translated โ€˜he was guttedโ€™ โ€“ his heart broke.Jesus was unconcerned about worldly categories of importance or success. Here we see him helping two very different classes of people โ€“ an important โ€˜rulerโ€™ (v.18) and a woman whose menstrual bleeding would have made her unclean and left her on the fringes of society (v.20). Yet Jesus had compassion on them both.

    3. The trigger is prayer

    Jesus said to his disciples, โ€˜Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest fieldโ€™ (v.38). Pray for more people to be raised up who will follow Jesus and reap the harvest.

    4. The potential is vast.

    Jesus said, โ€˜The harvest is plentifulโ€™ (v.37). Jesus has modelled what success looks like โ€“ proclaiming the kingdom and demonstrating its in-breaking into history. Now he calls you to follow his model โ€“ to share in his mission, multiplying its reach.

    Lord, there is so much need in our world yet it seems that the workers are few. I pray that you would raise up and send out more workers to go out into the harvest field and change the world.

    Genesis 24:12

    Pray for success in guidance.

    Abrahamโ€™s servant was not embarrassed to pray for success. He prayed a prayer that we can all emulate: โ€˜Give me success todayโ€™ (v.12). It was not a selfish prayer. It was a prayer that God would bless someone else, โ€˜show kindness to my master Abrahamโ€™ (v.12). He asked to be guided by God.

    This is one of the most remarkable stories of Godโ€™s guidance. On Alphaยน, we talk about five ways in which God guides us, under the heading of โ€˜the five CSsโ€™. In this passage, we can see an example of all these working together and especially the fifth one, โ€˜Circumstantial Signsโ€™.

    Commanding Scripture

    Obviously, Abraham did not have the Scriptures that we have โ€“ but he did have the commands of God that later became part of the Scriptures. God commanded his people to only marry other believers in him. Abraham told his servant he must not get a wife for his son from the Canaanites, but from his own people (vv.3โ€“4).

    Compelling Spirit

    The Holy Spirit leads us as we pray. Although the words โ€˜Holy Spiritโ€™ are not used in this passage, it is clear that all the participants are in a position to be guided by God, listening to him and being led by the Spirit. Abrahamโ€™s servant prayed from his heart (vv.12,45), Rebekah appeared โ€˜before he had finished prayingโ€™ (v.15), and when Rebekah appeared, Isaac was out in the field where he had gone to meditate (v.63).

    Common Sense

    The choice of Rebekah made sense. She was clearly someone who was appropriate for Isaac. It so happened that she was โ€˜very beautifulโ€™ (v.16). She was also โ€˜a virgin; no man had ever lain with herโ€™ (v.16). Most importantly, she was clearly generous, gracious and kind. Her immediate response to the request for water was not only to offer it, but also to say, โ€˜Iโ€™ll draw water for your camels too, until they have finished drinkingโ€™ (v.19).

    Counsel of the Saints

    One of the ways in which God guides us is through godly advice (โ€˜saintsโ€™ is used here in the New Testament sense to describe all Godโ€™s people). Although Isaac and Rebekahโ€™s marriage was very different from the modern western marriage, in that it involved a large element of arrangement, there was also an element of choice. Rebekah was asked, โ€˜โ€œWill you go with this man?โ€ โ€œI will go,โ€ she repliedโ€™ (v.57). Isaac chose to marry her and โ€˜loved herโ€™ (v.67). They were following the counsel of the saints in the sense that everyone around, especially their parents, recognised, โ€˜This is from the Lordโ€™ (v.50).

    Circumstantial Signs

    This is one of the clearest cases in the Bible of God guiding through circumstantial signs. The servant asks for a sign and was given exactly what he asked for (vv.12โ€“26). However, as we have seen, the sign was not random. It was a test of Rebekahโ€™s character, which she fulfilled.

    As a result of being guided by God, not only was their meeting a great success, but more importantly, so was their marriage.

    Lord, I pray that you would multiply this wonderful example of successful guidance amongst us. May there be more and more couples coming together and being able to say, โ€˜This is from the Lordโ€™ (v.50).

    Pippa Adds

    Genesis 24

    I have always loved this story. It is very romantic. Isaac was heir to great wealth, but he was possibly rather lonely. His half-brother had been sent away. His mother had died. But God provides this brave woman. She leaves her family. She marries someone miles from home whom she has never met. But God answers very specific prayers to guide them to this decision. Isaac goes to a lot of trouble to find a woman who shares his faith, which is so important in marriage. And I love the fact that Isaac loved her at first sight.

    Copied from YouVersion Devotional day 11

  • 24 Tools to Resolve Conflict in A Christian Home.

    24 Tools to Resolve Conflict in A Christian Home.

    When I was newlywed (still newlywed though), my wife and I used to have a lots of disagreements due to our differing backgrounds. I was afraid of the constant bickerings not until our family mentor told us that the conflict is normal and that it is part of adjustment to one another.

    Conflicting couples. Pexel.com.

    So if yours look like mine as newlywed, don’t panic and if long-wed, still don’t fear, conflict and disagreement are inevitable in family, Christian homes inclusive as a result of our various backgrounds and experiences.

    In those days, as the disciples were increasing in number, there arose a complaint by the Hellenistic Jews against the Hebraic Jews that their widows were being overlooked in the daily distribution.

    Acts 6:1

    The only antidote to it is EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION.

    But what is Communication? Communication is the art of sending out thoughts, feelings, ideas, visions and belief by speaking in a manner that is understandable by both the speaker and the listener.

    A communication is said to be effective if it’s understood by all the participants.

    Furthermore, total Communication is 7% words, 38% tone of voice, and 55% nonverbal.

    Tools for Effective Communication.

    1. Conflict is bound to happen, denial is not the best course of action.

    2. Agreed from onset that your partner (and children) is not your enemy.

    You are on the same team. You both want the best for the family.

    4. So therefore, depersonalize the problem. It is the the problem that have problem not your spouse.

    3. Prepare for conflict and disagreements. To shock you, what causes fights in the house are inanimate objects. Phew!

    Agreed from onset that your partner (and children) is not your enemy.

    4. Do not assume that the offender offends you if you haven’t let him/her know that he/she does. The offender may sincerely not know. Therefore, speak.

    5. If the offender is a man, resolve it by telling him straight. Men are more rational being (speak about 15,000 words per day) than women.

    6. If a woman said, ‘you offended me.’ Be it your mother, sister, friend, colleague or wife, let her talk because women are more emotional ( speak 25,000 per day) and just say sooooory.

    7. Do not sweep any disagreement under carpet.

    8.Therefore RESOLVE ALL CONFLICTS IMMEDIATELY AND TACTFULLY.

    9. When resolving a conflict, communicate in such a way that you are understood. Big grammars blur effective communication.

    10. Don’t exaggerate. Statements like ‘you always fumbled,’ ‘you are up to no good,’ ‘you are this,’ ‘ you are that’ are all silly exaggerations. Your spouse (or kid) may have truly offended you but that doesn’t mean he/she is such a complete idiot (in Arthur Pendragon’s voice).

    These exaggerations arenโ€™t helpful or truthful and put your spouse on the defensive. (Proverbs 25:18)

    11. Choose a proper time to engage.

    Wanting to resolve a conflict during a hot Premier League march between Chelsea FC and Manchester City FC or NBA match may not produce desired result for football lovers. Same goes to women too.

    12. When your spouse is registering his/her grievance, please LISTEN (we men should abundantly take note of this).(James 1:19).

    RESOLVE ALL CONFLICTS IMMEDIATELY AND TACTFULLY.

    13. Don’t become irresponsible because of the action of your offender.

    If it your wife is the offender, don’t stop being a good husband.

    Peradventure, the offender is your husband, don’t renege in performing your wifely duties to him.

    At work, don’t reduce productivity.

    14. Say SORRY and ACT SORRY; whether you are right or wrong. Saying sorry and not acting sorry is tantamount to playing on someone’s intelligence.

    15. Don’t deny yourselves of your conjugal rights.

    16. In case of recurrent disagreement bordering on illegality, report to higher authority.

    17. No yelling, foul language, or name-calling. (Ephesians 4:29; Colossians 3:8).

    18. Don’t transfer aggression to innocent people.

    19. Don’t physically, emotionally, physiologically abuse one another.

    20. Stay on topic. No bringing up past unrelated issues. (1 Corinthians 13:4-5; Philippians 3:13-14) ย 

    21. Allow for โ€œtime outsโ€ (where you take a break from the discussion) when things are getting heated before one of you loses your cool. If either one of you calls a โ€œtime out,โ€ both of you respect that. (Psalm 37:8) ย 

    22. Take turns talking. Do not interrupt each other. (Proverbs 1:5) ย 

    23. Take a break to pray together when it seems like you arenโ€™t getting anywhere. (Psalm 32:6) ย 

    24. Donโ€™t threaten divorce. (Matthew 19:6)

    With all these points and steps, I believed that conflicts can be resolved.

    A quick question: who is supposed to say sorry first between husband and wife?

    Reference

    Points 17 and 20 – 24 from YouVersion 4 ways to fight fair in Marriage Devotional Plan

  • A marriage lesson from cooking.

    Wonuola's avatarCourtship&Marriage

    My husband is a great cook, and he loves to cook too, and I share that simply to get your attention.

    Now that I have it, imagine my husband and I were to cook a very delicious stew. We both contributed to making it very tasty and inviting to the eyes.

    Itโ€™s supposed to last us a whole week, and we know we ought to preserve it, but we are really busy people, with work, parenting and other religious and social obligations, you know how it is. By the third day, our stew has gone sour.

    Neglect is what makes a sweet relationship turn sour.

    You and your spouse may be inherently good people, and the things that takes the most of your time and drains your energy are most likely legitimate needs.

    However, like I learned this week,

    The only way to make your relationship a priority is toโ€ฆ

    View original post 109 more words

  • How to study the Bible consistently: 4 hacks from YouVersion

    How to study the Bible consistently: 4 hacks from YouVersion

    The start of a new year brings many possibilities, which makes it the perfect time to create new Bible reading habits. But, busy schedules, family obligations, and conflicting priorities can make studying Scripture feel challenging at times.

    Person studying the Bible
    Person reading Bible. Source: YouVersion website.

    Thankfully, there are steps you can take toward consistently reading Godโ€™s Word.

    Here are 4 Bible habit hacks you can do with YouVersion:

    1. Make it stick

    The easiest way to create a new habit is by linking it to something you already do consistently. So if the first thing you do in the morning is reach for your phone, try reflecting on YouVersionโ€™s Verse of the Day. When you combine a new habit with an already established one, it gives your new habit more โ€œstickiness.โ€

    Tip: Make YouVersion the first app you see, and get instant access to the Verse of the Day, by enabling the Verse of the Day widget on your phone. Learn how to enable widgets here.

    2. Make it automatic

    The best way to build a habit is just to start. And as you get started, donโ€™t focus on the amount of time youโ€™re reading or listening to Scripture, just focus on doing it regularly. Once you complete two days in a row, go for three. Once you complete three days, try for five, and keep going until youโ€™ve built a Bible streak.

    If youโ€™re starting to build a consistent Bible habit, pick a time to study that works for you, and set up daily reminders to spend time in Godโ€™s Word.

    Tip: Keep up your momentum by viewing your Bible streak on your YouVersion Home Feed. You can also set up Plan, Prayer, and Verse of the Day Reminders here.

    3. Stay connected.

    Youโ€™re more likely to keep studying your Bible if you do it alongside someone who cares about your spiritual growth.

    Plans with Friends offers a simple, easy way to make sure you continue building your Bible study habit.

    There are thousands of Plans in YouVersion, so simply pick a Plan that interests you, and start it with Friends. At the end of each Plan day, youโ€™ll be given a space to chat with your Friends about what you discovered.

    Tip: You can do a Plan with anybody! Simply share a Plan link on social media, or share a Plan with someone within the app. Get started by choosing a Plan, and follow the prompts to invite Friends to join you.

    4. Make it feelย new.

    Sometimes, the reason we get in a Bible reading rut is because what weโ€™re doing feels too familiar. Switch up how you engage with the Bible.

    If you typically read Scripture, try listening to an audio Bible. If you tend to study Scripture in one specific version, switch to a different version for a month and see if anything new stands out to you. Or, try reading in a new order to gain a fresh perspective.

    Tips: To easily compare Bible versions, tap a verse, and then select the โ€Compareโ€ button that appears. And, you can listen to any portion of Scripture with audio Bibles.


    Making the Bible a part of your everyday life doesnโ€™t have to be dauntingโ€”and thankfully, we donโ€™t have to do it alone. God loves to come alongside us to encourage and empower us by renewing and transforming our minds. He reveals Himself to anyone searching for Him.

    The more you build your habits, the easier it becomes to recognize Godโ€™s voice and understand what His will truly is.

    As you commit to studying Scripture regularly, remember that the God who created you can also enable you to break through the resistance that holds you back, so that you can consistently engage with His living and active Word.

    Wholly copied from YouVersion Bible App blog

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