Courtship is the dress rehearsal for your marriage, and how you do it will tell a lot about how your marital experiences will look.
But the signs are always obvious right from courtship, and here are 7 of them;
1. You spent time discussing submission in marriage. There is no week in your relationship that you don’t have that conversation.
2. Over communication: any person who is ready to talk to you for 24 hours is a jobless and purposeless entity.
Dear sister, don’t let any jobless man convince you that a man needs 24 hours of speaking and talking to prove love.
3. Under communication: if all that you talked about in about two years of courtship is, ‘how are you’, ‘have you eaten’, ‘what is your favourite colour’, ‘who is your favourite musician, bla bla bla, every eke market. My brother, you have not started ooooo. You are still playing.
4. If you have to prove it. If you have to pass a test. If you have to show the workings that you are the one, after she/he has agreed to be with you. Brethren, if e didn’t dey, e didn’t dey nani and two, true love will not whyne you.
If you pass the test now, how many more are you going to do to qualify as a spouse, as a parent, as a daughter/son-in-law or even as a human being?
5. You argue about anything and everything. You have never agreed on anything in your courtship life except an agreement to marry one another.
If you disagree on anything and everything, how then do you plan to walk and work?
6. The person is unattractive to you. Granted, everything created by God is good, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, we shouldn’t choose by sight, but my dear, marriage is so long and so personal to be doing it with someone that is repulsive to you.
How do you plan on marrying someone whose physicality has never elicit a positive response from you saved hiss and dejection?
If he is repulsive to you. Leaver her, there is a someone who thinks she/he has found his/her own Miss or Mr. World.
7. If her/his people hate you. Marriage is long, stressful and delicate than be doing it with unavoidable enemies, hatred, and suspicion.
If they hate you, leave their son and daughter for them.
May God deliver you from problematic courtship in Jesus name
Three months to my wedding, I got a job far away from home. In fact, about 8 hours from home. Ogbomoso, Oyo State to Benin Edo State.
Well, the job pays more than what I currently had then. Actually 3× of the then salary.
If I stay in my current job, my then fiance turned wife now, monthly income is 3× mine and I have to man up.
The problem has never been my wife earning more than I did but rather closing the income gap between us. So I took the job
The job is a farm manager position in a remote village in Benin, Edo State. No network, no light, no road. So bad that if I have to communicate effectively with my fiance, without interruption, I will have to spend ₦1000 as transport fare to where there is good network. After the day work on farm that runs from 8am till 4pm.
Besides, almost all the guys there smoke indian hemp.
The first question I ask myself is; carrer-wise, did this make sense? How will I know of emerging trends in the market?
Two, is this the type of environment, I want to raise my children? A community of Indian hemp smokers and unkempt hairs?
Three, let’s say my fiance resigned from her job, what job have I secure for her or what money did I have to give her to start a business?
If I said my wife should be at home, and I will be visiting monthly, it still doesn’t make economic sense. Why? Because, I will have to travel on Friday evening, all things being equal, I should get home by 11pm. By Saturday, I will sure visit my friends and parents and by Sunday afternoon, I am on way back in order to resume on month. The transport fee will cost me about ₦10,000 to and fro .
I will have to drop home maintenance fee for my wife and will also eat at my workplace. After everything, what will be left will be ₦5000. Why this stress?
What sacrifices have you made in life?
After all these introspection, I discovered that the cons far outweigh the pros, a month to my wedding, I resigned and return to my former workplace which this saying in mind, let the worse that want to happen happened, God is on the throne.
Praise God, the bad did not happen talk less of the worst and I joined my wife and both of us combined our little resources together and live happily after.
Now, tell me what sacrifices have you made in your life?
Scene 1: After two months of marriage, these new couples are filing for divorce. No fight. No new bad discovery. No irreconcilable difference but genotype incompatibility.
Something that ₦2500 worth of test can prevent.
If you probed further, they courted for 3 years and above.
Scene 2: I met my wife for the first time ever on 7th May, asked her out and got Yes same day. Picked wedding date 24 hours after, and got married 3 months minus 3 days after.
By the end of week 1 of our courtship, all major discussion has been settled. Today, We are in blissful marriage by the grace of God to His glory alone.
Dear, I will never advised you to do as I do but I can assure you that there’s nothing you want to know in a potential partner that you can’t know between 3 – 6 months or at max, 1 year.
In fact, dear sister, a man know if you are wife worthy to him from the first day of meeting you.
Instead of wasting your time, doing, ‘have you eaten,’ ‘how was your day,’ everyday, ask intentional questions.
First hour of asking out, genotype issue should be already a settled affair.
By week 4, belief system of each partner should be known so that edgy areas can be smoothened on time. Make e no shock you that, though your husband is a Baptist, he doesn’t believe in tithing first month in marriage.
By third month of your relationship, issues like numbers of kid, where to live after wedding, in-laws, etc., should be agreed on already.
No dey think because you grow up in the same area, denomination, you go dey think alike for marriage.
Short or long courtship ❌❌
Intentional Courtship ✅✅
6 – 20 months of intentional Courtship is okay.
Advantage is that no one time and resources are wasted and premarital sex can be avoided.
Now, away from that, Our Evangelism Outreach Pastor is Pastor K. Adegoke. He is a passionate MoG who love God’s people differently and He is happily and intentionally married.
Pray for the fresh infilling of Holy Spirit on him and pray along with him for outpouring of miracles and power during the program.
I hope to eat your wedding jollof rice before the year ends.
Today make it 4 years, 4 months, 3 days, 5 hours, 10 minutes and 2 seconds, you last received I love you message, since Bro Dare served you premium breakfast the following month.
You are not a tree, ma.
You deserved the best, love can offer you.
You are advised to spread the love Christ has for you.
Open your heart to receive love.
Moreover, since you are assured of God’s love, why don’t you join us to spread it during our Annual Evangelism Outreach holding at Olooyo from Nov., 1st – 3rd, 2024.
Maybe you may meet bro. David during the program by partnering with us and who knows what can happen?
Quite some times. I am so sorry for being irregular here this year. I had been so caught up in the ordinary daily business in life, but I think the coast is getting clear.
Recently, couples trended on FacebookNG for divorcing after two months of marriage. Reason; genotypic incompatibility.
My first question to them was, what were they discussing when they were courting?
Now, let’s talk about 5 issues, questions and clarification that should be a forgone conclusion by the end of your first week being in a romantic relationship leading to marriage.
I hope you are not thinking, ‘Are you a Christian?’ as one of them. Nada! Because as a Christian, you are only permitted to choose, date, court and marry a fellow believer.
That should be a foregone conclusion, a settled affair before even contemplating the relationship.
Now, here are 5 things you should considered a settled case before the end of your 1st weekniversary:
GENOTYPE
If you are not African, you may not fully grasp the reason for this.
You see there is what we called sickle cell patients here and it is an inherited sickness as a result of either parents being a carrier of type S or C in their genotypes – AS, AC or SS.
Marriage between these groups have higher probability of producing a sickle cell children.
Children who will become regular customer at hospital and suffer through childhood and adolescence.
Only few of them make it to their adulthood and it will be in great pain.
But the pain and suffering on innocent child can be avoided if intending parents know their genotype at the tip of their fingers so that they can make informed decision.
I will even say once someone is asking you out for a defined relationship, before even perhaps pray, ask him or her, what is your genotype. So that you can know, if the offer is what can be considered or not.
This should be a settled case by the end of your first week in relationship, so that you will not invest your time, resources and energy in to something that may result to loss on all fronts and likely bring pain and suffering to the unborn babies.
DENOMINATION AND DOCTRINE
We are all Christian but we worship differently and have minor doctrinal differences*. (Infact, I used to advise that you marry someone who, you agreed, at least 95% doctrinally. It won’t be funny if one believed in tithing and sowing while other partner don’t.
By the end of the first week, you should know where he worships and what they believe there, in order for you to decide whether this is where I can worship or I can do marriage with someone with someone believing with or that doctrinally.
It is better done early that arguing one week to walk the aisle, about Mariology or tithes, worship mode.
BASIC BIO-DATA
Another dating partners also trended on TwitterNG because the guy dumped the girl after learning that she is from a particular tribe. 7 years of dating in-between.
Though, it is wrong of him to break someone’s heart on account of tribal sentiments but the question begs for answer; how can you be dating someone for 7 years without knowing something as basic as where he or she is from?
Who does that except Gen-X and -Z?
Don’t be surprised, there is a guy and a girl now in relationship who doesn’t know each other’s official name saved each other social media handles.
My friend, ask her, her government approved names and by the end of the first week of lovey dovey, you should be able to put a face to a particular address and location.
This will boost your confidence and make you a serious
WHAT DID HE/SHE WANT
As Christians, we date because we want to marry but not all of us think likewise.
Some just want to use you to pepper their ex.
Some just want to catch cruise.
Some just your friendship with no strings attached.
Some are just pure time wasters.
Ask so that you will not shed premium tears after 4 years of courting when you hear, ‘ We are just like a sister to me.’
GENDER ROLES BELIEF.
We are some believers who still hold on to traditional gender roles – the husband provides, and the wife keeps and cleans the house. Some have reversed versions of the traditional while some have modified versions – whoever has the means and power to provide, cook, or clean should do – be it husband or wife.
None of these models is bad as long as it was agreed on by both partners but it becomes problematic if this isn’t talked through.
To avoid, needless arguments in marriage, settle this very early in the courtship.
Summarily, the reason for all these early questions is to prevent waste of time, resources, and affections.
Between my first and my last relationship between Marriage is a period of 8 years, majorly my 20s.
During that time though alone but I was never lonely and I can say it emphatically that I enjoyed my singlehood and I am enjoying my marriagehood.
Who says you too can’t?
That’s why I have put pen to paper to write you a new book that highlight ways and manners of enjoying your Singlehood without necessarily being in a relationship.
Two, the book prepares you for marriage but while at it, enjoy your singleness.
To buy your copy of Single But Not Searching For Love, click down
It’s been a while since I last shared with you on this beautiful journey of Christian courtship, and I’ve missed you all dearly.
Life has a way of taking us on unexpected detours, and during this time found myself in a season of reflection, growth, and renewal. Today, I return to you with a heart brimming with gratitude, longing, and a renewed commitment to our shared path.
These past months have been a time of deep soul-searching and prayer. I felt the weight of silence and the pang of distance from this community that meant a bunch to me. Each day away made me more aware of the importance of the bonds we’ve formed here, and the encouragement and inspiration we draw from one another. I’ve missed our conversations, your insights, and the unique ways we interact with each other in our pursuit of God-centered relationships.
In this period of quiet, there were moments of doubt and weariness, but also times of profound clarity and peace. Through it all, I’ve been reminded of the beauty of our shared journey – a journey that is not just about finding the right person, but about becoming the person God has called us to be.
I return now, eager to reconnect and dive deeper into the topics that matter most to us. Together, we will explore the joys and challenges of courtship, the wisdom of Scripture, and the testimonies of those who have walked this path before us. I believe that God has placed a renewed purpose in my heart to share.
Thanks for always sharing, liking and subscribing.
By God’s grace I have been able to put together these body of works together for the benefits of your godly courtship and beyond.
The Tearless Courtship – A Christian Guide to Courtship and Dating.*
God Doesn’t Want You To Be A Virgin.*
Love In Action – 31 Principles For Courtship and Beyond
Meet And Marry+
500 Yoruba Names And Their Meanings
A-Z of Content Creation*
You can’t read these books and your Courtship remains boring, unattractive and ungodly and they are available for purchase via Selar and Amazon marketplace
I repeat, if your Courtship is boring , then you have read any of these titles.
But the way some of us ‘celebrate’ single motherhood and/or fatherhood, in about 20-25 years time, the coming generation will think you don’t have to get married to have kids.
Many of the present generation even married; which did not work out. The coming one will not even bother to waste their time getting married.
Just open up for one dude, get pregnant and give birth. A couple of years after, go back to same dude (OR ANOTHER GUY) open up for him, have another child and then lock up.
And in the case of the guy, get one or two pregnant, confirm responsibility for the pregnancies but don’t marry them.
As the kids grow, be doing part-time responsibility like paying school fees and then leave the rest to the mother.
Any other stuff like feeding, clothing, medical attention and above all, FATHERLY PARENTAL GUIDANCE are none of your business.
Now, we are raising a generation who believe that is normal rather than the abberation that it is…
Three things are beyong me… And the way of a man with a young woman. Proverbs 30:18 -19.
– Do you want a GODLY, DECENT AND RESPONSIBLE man? You, yourself be godly, decent, responsible. Like attracts like and ant will go only where honey is. ( Matthew 6:2, Numbers 27:1-7).
– Pray against time-wasters. Pray for anointing for godly attraction – some brothers did not need you, they may just want to add you to their list of ex’s. (Exodus 31: 6).
– Dress decently, if you dress seductively, brothers may take you as prostitute and just anybody can ‘ask’ you out.
– Be friendly to all, that brother is finding about you. – Know the WILL OF GOD personally. All sort of brothers will approaches you – matured and baby brothers alike. ( 1 Thessalonians 4:13a).
– Don’t be swipe off your feet with ‘thou saith the Lord’, ‘the Lord says that you must be my wife’,’in my dream …’, money, speech eloquence. ( 1 Corinthians 2:1).
– If you receive him first, and he seems slow in coming. First, send green signals like special respect than the brothers in the fellowship, support him etc, since men are attracted by sight and sometimes by sound.
If he still don’t get, approach him and bare your mind. Some guys are extremely timid.
– If he has not come, wait… maybe God is removing lies, bragging, fornication, drunkness from him or your man is preparing for your arrival.
– Wooing/toasting is not a sin, if a brother comes. Thank him, don’t disrespect him. Say NO politely like ‘thank you for what you have said, but it is not possible because of so-so-so reasons and can we be friend. After that DEFINE AND SET LIMITS TO FRIENDSHIP.
– Only give one of these answers YES or NO. Don’t sit on the fence because it belongs to the devil – mark cahill. (Matthew 5:37).
– If you know that he is the favoured one (after prayerfully thinking about his manifesto). Please don’t delay your YES unnecessary. Give it between 3 days and a month.
– Be, act, talk, cry, walk, eat infact do everything as a woman. (Genesis 2:23d).
– Be beautiful, if you are not as beautiful as Racheal, be fine as Leah. Serah, Zipporah, Mary, Elizabeth were all beautiful and godly. ( Genesis 29 vs 17).
Courtship Forum 