Three months to my wedding, I got a job far away from home. In fact, about 8 hours from home. Ogbomoso, Oyo State to Benin Edo State.
Well, the job pays more than what I currently had then. Actually 3× of the then salary.
If I stay in my current job, my then fiance turned wife now, monthly income is 3× mine and I have to man up.
The problem has never been my wife earning more than I did but rather closing the income gap between us. So I took the job
The job is a farm manager position in a remote village in Benin, Edo State. No network, no light, no road. So bad that if I have to communicate effectively with my fiance, without interruption, I will have to spend ₦1000 as transport fare to where there is good network. After the day work on farm that runs from 8am till 4pm.
Besides, almost all the guys there smoke indian hemp.
The first question I ask myself is; carrer-wise, did this make sense? How will I know of emerging trends in the market?
Two, is this the type of environment, I want to raise my children? A community of Indian hemp smokers and unkempt hairs?
Three, let’s say my fiance resigned from her job, what job have I secure for her or what money did I have to give her to start a business?
If I said my wife should be at home, and I will be visiting monthly, it still doesn’t make economic sense. Why? Because, I will have to travel on Friday evening, all things being equal, I should get home by 11pm. By Saturday, I will sure visit my friends and parents and by Sunday afternoon, I am on way back in order to resume on month. The transport fee will cost me about ₦10,000 to and fro .
I will have to drop home maintenance fee for my wife and will also eat at my workplace. After everything, what will be left will be ₦5000. Why this stress?
What sacrifices have you made in life?
After all these introspection, I discovered that the cons far outweigh the pros, a month to my wedding, I resigned and return to my former workplace which this saying in mind, let the worse that want to happen happened, God is on the throne.
Praise God, the bad did not happen talk less of the worst and I joined my wife and both of us combined our little resources together and live happily after.
Now, tell me what sacrifices have you made in your life?
In the bustling city of Aba, Nigeria, where tradition intertwines with modernity, lived a couple whose marriage was a testament to the intricate dance of differences. Adewuyi and Modupeoluwa, both Nigerians, embarked on a journey that unveiled the beauty and challenges woven into the fabric of their union.
Adewuyi, a free-spirited artist, saw the world as a canvas waiting to be painted with vibrant hues of spontaneity. Modupeoluwa, on the other hand, was a disciplined banker who believed in the order and precision of black and white. Their personalities, seemingly worlds apart, converged in the tapestry of matrimony, creating a rich mosaic of love and understanding.
Early in their marriage, his spontaneity clashed with her need for structure. Simple decisions, like weekend plans or household routines, became potential sources of tension. However, rather than letting these disparities tear them apart, they chose to navigate the labyrinth of their differences.
One pivotal moment occurred when Modupeoluwa’s meticulous planning collided with his impromptu desire to host a gathering of friends at their home. As the clash of expectations unfolded, it became a turning point in their understanding of one another. They decided to communicate openly, delving into the root of their perspectives.
Through heartfelt conversations, he explained how spontaneity fueled his creativity, providing an escape from the constraints of routine. She, in turn, expressed how structure provided stability and a sense of security. Slowly, they began to appreciate the unique strengths each brought to the relationship.
Their journey mirrored the broader marital context, where diverse backgrounds, systems, and beliefs coexist. The couple discovered that their dissimilarities mirrored the rich cultural diversity that makes Marriage unique. Embracing these distinctions became a celebration of their heritage and a source of strength in their marriage.
Over time, the husband and the wife discovered the beauty of compromise. They learned to find a middle ground that allowed both spontaneity and structure to coexist harmoniously. Weekends became a blend of impromptu adventures and planned quiet moments. Their home transformed into a gallery of Adewuyi’s creations adorned with the order that Modupeoluwa cherished.
The couple’s story became an inspiration to their friends and family, challenging the conventional notion that opposites repel. Instead, Adewuyi and Modupeoluwa showcased how differences, when embraced with love and understanding, could be the foundation of a resilient and thriving marriage.
In the heart of Aba, Adewuyi and Modupeoluwa’s love story became a beacon, reminding everyone that differences are not obstacles but opportunities for growth. As they continued to navigate the ebb and flow of life together, their union became a living testament to the idea that a marriage enriched by diverse perspectives is not only possible but profoundly beautiful.
3 types of people you should NEVER date and if you are dating them, Quit Now.
Good day, how are you? I hope you are fine.
Before I proceed with this write, I want to inform you that you can pre-order my two new books – MEET AND MARRY and 500 YORUBA NAMES AND THEIR MEANINGS from Amazon.com. To do so, click here
Now, to our topic of discussion, let me start with a story. I remembered when I met my wife and having accepted my proposal. She told her Uncle, who is her defacto father and also vocationally a pastor. He contacted my pastor who happened to be his colleague to ask about me and my pastor gave a positive remark about me.
Also, while we are house hunting during our wedding preparations, we were chanced to met one of my juniors, who remarked that I am gentle.
After wedding, we discovered that our neighbors were my seniors – both husband and wife and they also commented that I am a good man.
I believed all these favourable testimonials about me cemented my wife’s resolve that I am a good man.
What I am aiming at? Bar perfection, don’t ever date someone with bad reputation and if you are dating such people, go and quit.
He/she was known as bad guy, anything-in-skirt, thief, loud-mouthed, and many other negative tags to his parents, neighbors, friends, his church, etc. Forget it. The relationship is an unholy alliance between light and darkness.
You can’t know him more than them.
Another set of people you should never date are those who believe that there is nothing you can do, a marriage doomed to fail will fail.
If you say, wife respect your husband,they will say, it doesn’t prevent cheating.
If you tell them, husband loves your wife, they will reply, it doesn’t prevent break-up.
Read books, they will say, it’s not a determinant of good a marriage will be.
In their thinking, there is nothing you can do to enjoy your home. If it will fail, it will fail but they forget to know that that we know accident may occur with our cars but we will not say before of that we will not check the tires, water level, brakes, etc before moving out.
Don’t ever date them because they always have losers’ mentality who gives up before the start of actual battle. They won’t fight for the sanctity, sacredness, and exclusivity of your home
The third type are those with bad company. Bad company corrupts good manners and no one is good and godly than the corridor of friends he kept.
He is only one who is faithful in relationship amidst his friends? It’s only a matter of time, a friend reflects the face of his friend.
All her known friends are into hookups, trust me, she is either fooling you or she hasn’t started yet.
The person is godly but all his/her core circle are ungodly people. Don’t sleep on it, it’s a matter of time.
Finally on this, the maxim is true, show me your friend and I will tell the kind of person you are.
Let’s burst a bubble! There are many myths you might have heard about Courtship and Marriage which are half-truths and outright lies. So I am gonna take a couples of days to burst some bubbles.
Today the first bubble to burst is the bubble of marrying your friend i.e., someone you have known for years.
Free photo library.
Lemme start like this, if I asked you to name your friends, you would probably be mentioning those you had known from 7, 10, 20, 30 years ago.
So if you are thinking of marrying your friend, you may have to wait and build friendship for a long period of time. A plan dangerous for two reasons.
For a start, guys, none of your female friends is ready to date or marry you. Not because you are not lovely, up-to-taste or no feellings, but because of familiarity complex.
She knew you probably from diapers and you too knew her.
Two, only one out of ten couples actually marry their longtime friend. The remaining ones BEFRIEND their spouse.
Now, since you won’t have time to build quality friendship because it takes time and resources, what are you going to do? Are you gonna marry a total stranger or an enemy?
Not at all, but instead of forming niceness, rendering unsolicited helps, advices and visits, commenting epistels on his/her post, etc, for someone you have feelings for, SPEAK UP ( in Nigerian parlance, TOAST HIM/HER) and then BEFRIEND your choice, provided you have your choice’s neccesary bio. Bio such as:
original and official name
Religious and church affiliation ( I mean real, offline and physical church he/she attends)
Genotype
Mentors
Etc.
Lastly, another reason you won’t have time to build credible friendship is that another guy is around the corner who is not ready to observe the rule of friendship or you think na only your eye she dey enter?🥰🥰🥰
Welcome to another edition of #GratitudeChallenge.
Today, I am thanking God that I am not the only one experiencing the rain of ‘wins, wins and more wins,’ my friends and family are experiencing it in various forms and degrees.
There is a Yoruba proverb that says one rich man in the midst of six poor relatives is a poor man himself but thank God that is not the case with ours.
Many of us are happily married now.
Gainfully employed.
Rightly connected
Increasing numerically purposefully.
And careerly succeeding.
Not one of us but all of us.
Hallelujah be unto His mightiest name. Amen.
Today’s task for you: Have you downloaded A TEARLESS COURTSHIP?
Let me tell you a story that happened to me in my final year in University. It is a story of how a firend make my final year, easy and smooth-free.
Getting to 500l is already tiresome but being in that last lap with a laptop is stressful and here I am without one and with no money to buy one.
My prayers for my friends.
But a friend gave me her laptop at a very reduced price after a brief chit-chat with her on a general issue which veered off to laptop’s matter.
You purchased the thing now? If she didn’t sell at that giveaway price, I wouldn’t be able to afford one. I count it as her parting gift and that gift made the final year awesome for me.
For doing that, I won’t forget her.
Now, ask yourself the following questions:
Should I have friends?
Must I have friends? Talkless of having close-knit friends?
What are the essences, benefits and usefulness of friends?
Do I have friends? Are they good friends?
Are mine a good friend?
You may be surprised that I am asking you all those questions. Of course, you have a friend(s) – some casual and some deep. I too have friends across religious, cultural and tribal divides that have spanned more than 20 years.
Recently, I was reading the portion of the Bible where a paralytic man was taken to Jesus Healing and Teaching Crusade and they couldn’t find a way to get him to Jesus but they did something that always amazed me about friends and friendship. Instead of returning their friends home, they did the impossible and the unexpected.
The paralytic man being carried by his friends to Jesus teaching and healing crusade.
When they could not find a way to do this because of the crowd, they went up on the roof and lowered him on his mat through the tiles into the middle of the crowd, right in front of Jesus. When Jesus saw their faith… So he said to the paralyzed man, “I tell you, get up, take your mat and go home.” Immediately he stood up in front of them, took what he had been lying on and went home praising God. Everyone was amazed and gave praise to God. They were filled with awe and said, “We have seen remarkable things today.” Luke 5:19 – 26 NIV
Because of this man’s friends, 4 things happened:
He was healed
He was forgiven of his sin
He praised God.
People praised God.
And that is how God wants your friendship to be.
A friend in need, is a friend indeed.
God made us want and need friendship. But some friendships got entangled in comparison and competition. Some friendships lack healthy boundaries while some friendships need a tune up and some need to be cancelled. (How to have healthy friendships’ devotional plan emphasis mine) but first who is a friend?
Fun-fact: The word friend was mentioned 155 times in the Bible.
According to Advanced Oxford Dictionary, a friend is a person you know very well and regard with affection and trust.
Secondly, why should we even have friends? The purposes of friendship are numerous, some of them are:
1. Friends are useful for carrying us.
Like the paralytic man in Luke 5, we all need friends who will carry us in prayers, words of encouragement, helps, supports and advice like most of David’s friends.
2. We are Relational Beings.
God did not create anyone to be stand-alone. He created us to have a relationship with Him and fellow human beings like us (father, mother, brother, sister and friend). So one of the channels of fulfilling that purpose of God is through quality friendship.
3. To solve problem together.
Since you can’t be alone courtesy of the fact that you are a relational being, God doesn’t want you to tackle the problem alone. He doesn’t want you to bottle up the feeling. He wants you to talk to someone who is in the best position to hear your real and unreal cries and who is the best position, if not someone you regard with affection and trust?
4. Friends are constant lovers.
Like that age-long proverb that says that a friend in need, is a friend indeed. A good friend loves you like Jonathan loves David. He/she also desires and strives to have you as a better individual.
A friend loves at all time… Proverbs 17:17 (AMP).
5. Even God have friends.
God have friends. Abraham is God’s friend, so is David. So therefore if we have friends, we are God-like.
Jesus even called us His friends, if we obey Him (John 15:14-15).
The cloud of witnesses about us have friends while they are in these mortal bodies.
6. Friends help our ‘visions.’
I needed a friend to see what I couldn’t. The truth. So often we look at the details all over the landscape—the millions of trees. And we miss the forest. Those overarching truths that cover us and provide shade and security and keep us grounded.
Now to answer, our question, we should have friends albeit good ones.
In conclusion, the question before you and mine now is; are mine a good friend to my friend or not? Do I even have good friends?
Courtship Forum 