Quite some times. I am so sorry for being irregular here this year. I had been so caught up in the ordinary daily business in life, but I think the coast is getting clear.
Recently, couples trended on FacebookNG for divorcing after two months of marriage. Reason; genotypic incompatibility.
My first question to them was, what were they discussing when they were courting?
Now, let’s talk about 5 issues, questions and clarification that should be a forgone conclusion by the end of your first week being in a romantic relationship leading to marriage.
I hope you are not thinking, ‘Are you a Christian?’ as one of them. Nada! Because as a Christian, you are only permitted to choose, date, court and marry a fellow believer.
That should be a foregone conclusion, a settled affair before even contemplating the relationship.
Now, here are 5 things you should considered a settled case before the end of your 1st weekniversary:
GENOTYPE
If you are not African, you may not fully grasp the reason for this.
You see there is what we called sickle cell patients here and it is an inherited sickness as a result of either parents being a carrier of type S or C in their genotypes – AS, AC or SS.
Marriage between these groups have higher probability of producing a sickle cell children.
Children who will become regular customer at hospital and suffer through childhood and adolescence.
Only few of them make it to their adulthood and it will be in great pain.
But the pain and suffering on innocent child can be avoided if intending parents know their genotype at the tip of their fingers so that they can make informed decision.
I will even say once someone is asking you out for a defined relationship, before even perhaps pray, ask him or her, what is your genotype. So that you can know, if the offer is what can be considered or not.
This should be a settled case by the end of your first week in relationship, so that you will not invest your time, resources and energy in to something that may result to loss on all fronts and likely bring pain and suffering to the unborn babies.
DENOMINATION AND DOCTRINE
We are all Christian but we worship differently and have minor doctrinal differences*. (Infact, I used to advise that you marry someone who, you agreed, at least 95% doctrinally. It won’t be funny if one believed in tithing and sowing while other partner don’t.
By the end of the first week, you should know where he worships and what they believe there, in order for you to decide whether this is where I can worship or I can do marriage with someone with someone believing with or that doctrinally.
It is better done early that arguing one week to walk the aisle, about Mariology or tithes, worship mode.
BASIC BIO-DATA
Another dating partners also trended on TwitterNG because the guy dumped the girl after learning that she is from a particular tribe. 7 years of dating in-between.
Though, it is wrong of him to break someone’s heart on account of tribal sentiments but the question begs for answer; how can you be dating someone for 7 years without knowing something as basic as where he or she is from?
Who does that except Gen-X and -Z?
Don’t be surprised, there is a guy and a girl now in relationship who doesn’t know each other’s official name saved each other social media handles.
My friend, ask her, her government approved names and by the end of the first week of lovey dovey, you should be able to put a face to a particular address and location.
This will boost your confidence and make you a serious
WHAT DID HE/SHE WANT
As Christians, we date because we want to marry but not all of us think likewise.
Some just want to use you to pepper their ex.
Some just want to catch cruise.
Some just your friendship with no strings attached.
Some are just pure time wasters.
Ask so that you will not shed premium tears after 4 years of courting when you hear, ‘ We are just like a sister to me.’
GENDER ROLES BELIEF.
We are some believers who still hold on to traditional gender roles – the husband provides, and the wife keeps and cleans the house. Some have reversed versions of the traditional while some have modified versions – whoever has the means and power to provide, cook, or clean should do – be it husband or wife.
None of these models is bad as long as it was agreed on by both partners but it becomes problematic if this isn’t talked through.
To avoid, needless arguments in marriage, settle this very early in the courtship.
Summarily, the reason for all these early questions is to prevent waste of time, resources, and affections.
I called you blessed always.
Courtship Forum 