When Grey and Tacha were courting. As a lover-in-arm, they used to imagine many beautiful things and scenarios.
A perfect, never annoying partner!
Breakfast in bed!
Cute kids!
Annual vacation in Hawaii!
24/7 romance, catch-up, love SMSes
Infact, their courtship is one of it kind and the love, the care and the attention, are both mutual and obvious, to all and sundry.
Theirs was a perfect man and woman planning, strategizing, praying and hoping for a perfect ‘happily lived after’ experiences in marriage.
Who wouldn’t want a good thing? But their imagination soon turned into realities two weeks in marriage when Grey shouted at Tacha.
Pardon me for a little digress but most singles nowadays is majoring and planning on things that aren’t needed for a happy and bliss home.
Permit me to say, YOU DON’T NEED A PERFECT SPOUSE TO HAVE A HAPPY HOME. Number one, we are all faulty. By nature, no one is perfect. Therefore, your search will be long and 99.99% fruitless but perhaps, you mistakenly find one, trust me you don’t need to marry such one for you to have a blissful union and you won’t ever have one with him/her.
Your sure ticket to a godly home is still with an imperfect human being.
Caveat; imperfection doesn’t mean you should roll up with the ungodly and unbelievers.
Two, YOU DON’T NEED A PERFECT WEEDING.
Elaborate wedding parties, floral flower girls, exquisite men in suit, live music band, ambient lighting and hall, etc are all good but with or without all of these, your marriage can still be great, funny and Godly.
Furthermore, THEREIS NO PERFECT TIME TO MARRY. You will always have one excuse or the other not to marry.
Gas prices will always go up. Mortgage will not down. Cost of living will always appreciate and people in capitol don’t allow bothered.
Time will never be prim and proper for you to marry but once the timing is right and the necessary things have fallen into the right places. Go and marry*
And lastly, YOU DON’T NEED STRONG PENIS AND TIGHT VAGINA for a happy home.
Many aspiring couples think sexual enjoyment in marriage is by how long the instruments for it is. What you need for a joyous sexual experiences in marriage is someone with a healthy and faithful private parts.
An active penis or a tight vagina without the fear of God attached to it, will make you cry, if it didn’t give you STDs.
This post is more to the about-to-wed guys than ladies.
In the olden YORUBA setting, Young Couples are not allowed to work for some months.
In fact, as a son they married for you or give you out in marriage (this is not forced marriage. There is no point in history when Yoruba do that), hence the word igbeyawo f’ọmọ (for groom’s family) or ifọmọfọkọ (for In bride’s family)
And your father should be the one that pays your wife’s bride price.
They make sure you have your abode and field to till at the point of marriage in a bid to ensure your marital life was started on some level of comfortability
This is where I am going; as much as starting with what you have in marriage is good, and highly recommended by me, knowing that I too, didn’t ever have ‘anything’ when Iya Kyle-XY decided to do this life with me, but please don’t start your family life with avoidable stresses and glaring lackness.
I know you have read about couples who started their marital journey in an uncompleted building and are now mansion owners – I am not doubting their zero beginning but I would prefer you start your own on at least a room with a comfortable bed that fits two people.
I knew you knew how your parents started their marriage with no shishi and hunger but now plenty money dey. All is well and good, but I will still advise you to start yours with food in your tummy and foodstuffs in your panties. Not necessarily a sumptuous meal but something good to hold belly every day.
You might have heard how your pastor and his wife have one clothes each at the point of marriage but now they can cloth 1000 people. Thank God for their lives but I will still say please for God’s sake, start yours with a few clean, wearable clothes.
All that I am saying is that start your family on a comfortable level – even if it is the barest comfort level.
Do you know why? It is easy to think and think adequately when the necessities of life are not a major problem again.
Two, marriage is already very hard work than adding the agony of lack, hunger, and nakedness to it at the very start of it. Each with those that started on a very opulent level, it is a serious work talk less of those who are finding it excruciatingly difficult. Please, as much as possible, destress your marriage.
And lastly, I know testimonies abound of those who began from ground zero and are now heroes and heroines but testimonies abound also of people who started from level 1, 2, or,3 and grew massively to level 100. Won’t you rather go with the former?
By this, I hope you know I am not saying go and borrow money to rent a house you won’t be able to pay the rent the following year, order your daily food from hold a Hilda Baci to pepper your ex and online in-laws or be decked in debt-gotten Gucci. All I want to say is get a comfortable cheaper liveable place, a few pairs of nice clothes, and a least when you are not fasting food to hold your spirit body, and mind together and don’t forget to order food from Praise Foods occasionally to spice up your marriage at a very shikini money.
If you are a man with a stable job (you go out and come home daily with an assurance of money whether daily, weekly, or monthly), a faithful fiancee with an equally stable job and desire by both to marry but you are afraid, hear my story.
Two days, after saying yes to me, my wife suggested that we should married in 3 months time, which coincidentally is our birth month and some days shy of our birth dates.
I laughed. Because as of then, I don’t think I have a thousand naira in savings and the only tangible property I got was my techno pop 4. So where I am going to get money for a wedding talk less of marriage? My fear was not even the wedding because I can’t clothe, feed and house my wife and kids with I love you. I can’t.
But something dropped in my mind – here is a lady who is ready to combine resources, doesn’t want to waste my time, and is a spec, why delay when God has prospered my way?
I obliged with my fiancee now wife and by the grace of God and the help of our parents, siblings, mentors, and friends, we were legally wedded on the purposed and proposed date. Hallelujah.
Have I gotten more money since then? Not yet a millionaire but all my fears then were non-existent. It is not as bad as I anticipated. We are not there yet but at least we are not where we are then.
In this small journey, we have recorded many successes.
Olòrun nbo àsírí effortlessly.
The two of us have never been broke together. I still blame myself for marrying ‘late’ 😄😄
Therefore be inspired by my story and the stories of many other married men out there, go and plan your wedding. Just make sure you no do pass yourself. I believed strongly you won’t regret it.
Because even if you gather all the monies this year, inflation still dey next year.
Thanks for attending my Ted talk and I look forward to seeing your IV.
There are traditional names for wedding anniversaries, from 1st to 80th. This list is based on symbolic gifts that can be given for each anniversary. The tradition is used partly to congratulate the couple for the good fortune that had prolonged their lives together, and partly in recognition of the fact they must have enjoyed a fairly harmonious relationship.
The standard names as used in the United Kingdom are as given below. Please note that this can vary depending on where you are in the world:
1st Anniversary – Paper 2nd Anniversary – Cotton 3rd Anniversary – Leather 4th Anniversary – Fruit or Flowers 5th Anniversary – Wooden 6th Anniversary – Sugar or Candy 7th Anniversary – Copper 8th Anniversary – Bronze or Pottery 9th Anniversary – Willow Pattern or Pottery 10th Anniversary – Tin 11th Anniversary – Steel 12th Anniversary – Silk & Fine Linen 13th Anniversary – Lace 14th Anniversary – Ivory 15th Anniversary – Crystal 20th Anniversary – China
Caveat; this is a long but beneficial article and two, I am speaking from a Yoruba-Christian perspective which can be fixed in many African cultures. This write-up explains Everything you need to know about getting married in Nigeria.
Let’s start like this, in Africa, a wedding especially is such a big ceremony that involves extended family, money, food, colour codes, culture, music and many more. A wedding is a big ceremony for us.
I could vividly remember my own some months ago with nods of divine appreciation.
Therefore, in this writeup, I will be talking about the following:
What is the wedding?
When should wedding preps start?
Steps/types of weddings in Nigeria
How to have a budget-friendly wedding ceremony in Nigeria? 🇳🇬
Dos and Donts of the wedding ceremony.
What is a Wedding?
Firstly, what is a wedding? A wedding is a formal ceremony to legalise and solemnise a marriage.
It is also an event marking the end of courtship and the start of the marriage.
I want you to note the keywords in both definitions; ceremony and event which can be big, medium or large depending on your pocket, taste and wants. Therefore, don’t expect profit from it. It is not an investment plan.
In addition, I want you to know that the bigness or the smallness of your wedding ceremony has nothing to do with the sweetness, blissfulness and enjoyment of your marriage. You can have it either way and enjoy or endure your conjugal union.
My parents have theirs in my maternal grandfather’s sitting room and 39 God-graced years already down.
When should wedding preps start?
Wedding preps should begin and it usually begins in Nigeria when these two conditions have been met:
When the intending couples decided to take their relationship to the next deep level called marriage.
And two, when all consents have been secured and guaranteed. The parental consents and couples-to-be’ consents.
And I will always advise you to calm down with wedding prep with someone your parents have not agreed with or someone who seems reluctant to the whole idea of marrying you.
You see I didn’t mention when he/she proposes. Why? Because I don’t see any sense in asking your fiance/fiancee of more than 2-3 years if she will marry you after sharing your dreams, and goals, and being introduced to friends and family as lovers. What is the purpose of courtship and dating if not marriage?
Perhaps, you guys have been courting and dating wrongly. That is why I write a book titled A Tearless Courtship – a simpler guide to Christian courtship and dating. Download by clicking here.
Picking a wedding date?
Going by the many steps toward marriage in Nigerian wedding ceremonies, different people determine dates viz:
The bride-to-be’s parents usually pick the introduction Date. Sometimes, the husband-to-be’s parents might
The Registrar chooses the one for the registry.
The engagement date is strictly the bride-to-be’s parents’ call
While the couples-to-be most times determine when they will be wedded at church.
As far as weddings in most Nigerian cultures are concerned, the groom’s family has less to do in the determination of many things.
Steps in the wedding ceremony.
Majorly, there are three to four steps in a wedding that will lead to legal Marriage in Nigeria. All the steps are explained below:
Introduction
This is the first step in the wedding ceremony and it is an avenue for both families to know themselves. My dear, this is strictly nuclear family affairs which concern only important members of both families notably parents, siblings and who both families considered important in their respective families.
and the main event of the day is each knowing one another; more like each family saying officially we know our children are dating/courting, we agreed to their relationship and look forward to them being husband and wife in the nearest possible future.
Furthermore, among other things done on that day is the collection of the bride price list by the groom’s family and sometimes, the setting of the D-Day.
It may also interest you to know that introduction is strictly at the bride’s parents’ house and not vice versa and if you are the groom, make sure your family visit with a basket of fruits/gift and if you are the bride, make sure your family entertains your future husband family.
A typical introduction package from groom’s family.
Less I forget, exchange of rings by couples are also done here too.
Dear Christians, please even if you have all the money to spend, you still don’t need a tent, cake, drum or hall for the introduction. 8 – 10 people from both sides are enough and the bride’s parents’ sitting room is beautiful enough.
Apart from what you guys will wear, you don’t need to borrow to fund it.
Registry
The second step to a successful wedding day is Filling of wedding notification at your Local Government Area Secretariat.
This is usually done after determination of wedding date.
At the registry, the registrar will ask for two passports each of intending couples and a joint photography of them to be pasted on the LGA notice board for 21 days.
But before that you will be asked to pay certain amount of fee – a very small amount of money into different accounts usually 3 bank accounts.
After the payment of required fee and if there is no objections to your intention within that 21 days that your names are on the bann, the registrar gives you the date to come for your joining and vow taking. Shikena! Lobatan!!
Guys, two secrets here; number one, you don’t need to go to any Federal Registry to have your wedding. All weddings conducted at every LGA in Nigeria is valid and legal as confirmed by Supreme Court last year. Asejuni Ikoyi Registry, your LGA is okay.
Secondly, on that day, you don’t have to panic. Basically what you do in front of the registrar is him/her highlighting and telling you those you can’t marry under the law and the consequences of breaking such laws and where are you having your white wedding, peradventure you are going plus saying your vows. If your answer is in affirmative, as per who can’t marry, you take you vow by placing your hands on the Bible and munching some word after the registrar, kisses the Bible and sign your marriage certificate then boooooom you are legally married under Nigeria Marriage Act. 😍😍😍
This is perhaps the cheapest type or step of wedding in terms of cost and time. If you guys are still going to church, 4 person is enough – your LOML and you plus two friends preferably best man and chief bridesmaid plus you don’t need new clothes for this and if yours is stoping here, only 4 people is actually needed to sign the certificate, so you still don’t need crowd. Why crowding when hardly will you guys used up to 30 minutes?
Engagement/Traditional wedding.
This part is the most important step of wedding ceremony. This is part where you marry your wife according to the culture, traditions and practices of your soon-to-be wife.
Groom and his friends prostrating for the bride’s family.
Traditional wedding is more of larger introduction ceremony; now, all your extended family can and should attend this one and two, payment of bride price and dowry as the case may be.
This is a very colourful and entertaining event reverend highly among the Yoruba because it is a day of heartfelt prayers, asoebi, dance, money spraying and a sort of family reunion.
It is usually anchored by two MCs namely Alagaijoko (sitting MC) representing the bride’s family and Alagaiduro (standing MC) who is representing the groom’s family.
I will also sound a note of warning here; as a Christian I will advise you to engage the service of professional Christian engagers. These ones will not waste your time and money and make your joyous day, a day for the Lord. With secular engagers out there, it is cold outside.
Part of the activities for that day (in no particular order) include:
Introduction of both family collectively especially the parents of the couples.
Prostration of the groom for the bride’s family indicating that please accept me as your biological son and give me your daughter I will take care of her.❤️😄😍
Prostration of groom’s friends for the bride’s family signifying that please give our friend your daughter, he will take care of her. 😍
Kneeling down by bride for the groom’s family indicating that “accept me as your biological daughter.”
Kneeling down of bride’s friends.
Prayer by both families for their newly acquired children.
Payment of bride price by the groom’s family meaning, “take this token in appreciation of taking care of our daughter who has been with you all these while” and collection of such by bride’s family.
Greetings from both families.
Reading of proposal and acceptance letter by someone from bride’s family.
Cutting of cake and Exchange of rings
Husband giving her wife, the first feeding fee. 😍😄😁😃😁. LoL! I gave my wife 500 naira.
Etc
This is also done exclusively at bride’s place and basically traditional wedding is technically merging the two family to be one
As per entertaining attendees, it depends on your pocket, the norm now is to share puff puff or jollof rice in a take-away manners.
If you successfully do this, congratulations you are now married. In fact no religious houses will solemnize your marriage with payment of bride price in Nigeria.
White wedding
This is the last step in being legally married in Nigeria and must be conducted within 3 months of filling your marriage notification at your LGA. It is called white wedding because the bride always wear white wedding gown which signifies purity in the day of yore but I think proper name this day should be church wedding and two it is not compulsory to wear white colour as a bride if you don’t have the financial power to get one and purity is more than than colour.
I knew of a wedding conducted more than four decades ago with traditional clothes for both groom and the bride. Also recently a couples went viral on FacebookNG for rocking traditional igbo clothes for their church wedding.
Basically, what you do here is solemnization of your wedding before God, His angels and His people – the church by promising to take care and love your spouse in all circumstances.
This is perhaps the most expensive part of a normal wedding in the country but the main thing is never borrow to fund a wedding ceremony.
If I may shock you, apart from the couples and their helps (best man and chief bridesmaid), only six other person are needed – 3 each from both sides to sign the certificate.
Now, before I closed this part, I wish to inform you to ignore naysayers who is saying that weddings conducted in churches are illegal. They are liars. Weddings conducted in a licensed churches by a licensed minister are perfectly legal. Infact you will be given two copies of marriage certificate bearing the seal of the Federal Republic of Nigeria – one for you and one for filling at your Local Government Area Secretariat and a scratch card for e-registration of your marriage on government website.
Reception.
I am just including this part as a formality not that it conveys any legal entity on the marriage. It is just an avenue to entertain friends and family.
If you are a mid-income earner, allow your parents to finance the budget of this part because they will surely have more guests than even both of you will do. Infact times three of yours especially your moms 😍😁😁😄.
Dos and Don’ts of Wedding.
1. Do not borrow to fund your weeding. It is gross irresponsibility to do. It is wise and advisable to start your family debt-free.
2. Stay by your budget and if anybody ask for the wedding of his dream, tell the person to finance it for you.
3. For you, the intending husband, make sure you get the bride price list on time and start getting imperishable items.
4. For your traditional wedding, employ Christian engagers that will not waste your time and resources.
5. If you will go to church (some will not go to church but end it at registry after the payment of bride price), please tell the officiants about the plan for a simple, debt-free, glorious wedding plans. Most of these pastors want to help but we hid a lot from them.
6. Except for little bride and groom, usee matured grown-up adults for your bridal train. It will save you from thousands of post-wedding apologies and remove stress from your preps.
7. For your little bride and groom, make sure you collect your money from their parents before buying their clothing materials. After party, shingbai you no go see collect.
8. Make sure you are in great physical and mental conditions during your wedding preps. That period is not the period for extended fasting and rigorous spiritual activities.
Last Sunday, a sesentional Nigerian Award winning Gospel Singer, Mercy Chinwo got hooked maritally to her heart desire, Pastor Blessed of Water Brook Ministry, Lagos and their wedding has trended on all Nigerian social media spaces.
What trended the wedding ceremony wasn’t the fact that the bride, Mercy Chinwo is a celebrity but the fact that everything about the wedding has Christian decency stamped on it – the official social media announcement, pre-wedding pics, court ,church and reception activities, bridal train, choice of music. No breast and cleavages show as it is common in many supposed Christians, wedding ceremonies. Not even a single item was yielded to worldliness.
While I am also joining the Church to congratulate the couples for the blessed and merciful start. I began to have this thought in me; should we be celebrating her for covering her body as it’s expected? Is she not a Christian again? Didn’t Bible said our clothes should cover our nakedness and beautify us?
Pastor and Mrs Blessed.
I think she deserves commendation because we have seen many instances where the bride/groom/their bridal train/parents completely throw cautious to the wind simply because they are getting wedded.
I have seen examples of brides who hardly used make-up pre-wedding, who was totally transmogrify into another thing on her wedding date and supposed Christian/Church weddings that are no better stripper club.
Dressing decently is still a normal Christian norms as praying and fasting.
While we are commending them for doing what God expected of them especially in this utterly corrupt world where the line has been totally blurred because what is holy and what is unholy and what is Christian norms,practices and what is not, we should know that dressing decently is a normal Christian norms as praying, studying the Bible and fasting is.
If somebody mistakenly transferred some amount of money into your account and you returned all the money, Jesus said well-done for doing what is expected of you.
If you are punctual and diligent in your workplace, Jesus said good boy for representing the kingdom values expected of an ambassador.
If you respect your husband, your heavenly father is saying thank you for doing the norm and if you love you wife, the same God is saying the same thing.
You doubt me? Here is Jesus’ word: Which of you whose servant comes in from plowing or shepherding in the field will say to him, ‘Come at once and sit down to eat’? Instead, won’t he tell him, ‘Prepare my meal and dress yourself to serve me while I eat and drink; and afterward you may eat and drink’? Does he thank the servant because he did what he was told?
And this should be your answer : ‘We are unworthy servants; we have only done our duty.’ ” (Luke 17:7-10, Berean Study Bible)
Lastly, faithfulness, honest, love, respect, orderliness, decency and many other godly virtues are normal Christian life.
Let’s start with this true story of mine. It happened in November 2020.
Her: Master Joel, do you like 🥰🥰🥰 lady.
Me: Yes, I do, ma.
Her: As in very ❤️❤️❤️?
Me: I am sure I like them like that 😄😃
That was a phone convo with a former colleague of mine recommending her very beautiful friend of hers for me for a relationship that can lead to marriage.
For brevity sake, the recommended lady and I met and talked but relationship didn’t materialize between us.
Seeing/finding my wife under mango tree is the best feeling in the world.
This year also, a senior friend recommended another godly lady to me who eventually became my wife.
What am I striking at? Somebody’s child will find you but do you know somebody child knows somebody’s child that should find but you are unfindable because of your attitudes.
Somebody’s child has a good friend that can marry but he knows your stubbornness can kill another woman’s child.
Somebody’s kid has a godly sister that can make a good wife but she knows that your eye no dey stay one place.
Somebody’s pikin want to recommend one of his/her for you but they are afraid that you may rub their faces in the mud through your behaviors.
Dear, somebody’s child had somebody’s daughter/son for you that he/she think may find you but are you findable?
Courtship Forum 