Dear Christian Brother, abeg!!!

Choosing with Conviction: A Christian Brother’s Honest Reflection on Courtship Standards

Category: Christian Living / Courtship & Marriage / Faith & Values

In today’s Christian circles, especially within African communities, relationship expectations have become a mix of conviction, culture, and confusion. Too often, men enter relationships with women they secretly hope to change, instead of choosing partners who already align with their values.

This personal reflection highlights the need for clarity, honesty, and conviction in choosing a life partner—particularly for Christian brothers navigating courtship.

A Personal Journey of Conviction

When I wanted to marry, I determined in my heart that the woman for me would be from Ogbomoso, a Baptist who uses make-up (though my wife hardly uses it herself) and doesn’t see trousers as a mortal sin.

And that was what I went for aside from other qualities.

Now I didn’t see a non-Ogbomoso, non-Baptist, who doesn’t use make-up or wear trousers and asked her for marriage and asked her to be all that.

Is my wife the only one who must meet those criteria? How can it be the only one, when there are thousands of ladies like that?

This shows a key truth: there’s no need to compromise personal values or try to convert someone to fit your picture of an ideal spouse when there are plenty who already do.

A Word to Christian Brothers

I believe it is time for us, Christian brothers, to stop all this childish behaviour.

You saw her wearing trousers.
You know she uses make-up.
You are very much informed that she wears jewellery.
Abi you knew she doesn’t wear all these things.

You are aware that her church permitted those things that your church called sin (things which are not sin but a matter of choice).

You knew all these, despite a lot of ladies in your domain who fit your agenda, yet you went for a trouser and jewellery wearing sister, and you are pressuring and gaslighting an innocent sister.

Some of you, are even using submission 😀😀 to gaslighting an innocent sister?

Submission in marriage was never meant to be a tool for manipulation or spiritual abuse. We must move away from this unchristlike tendency.

Choose from Conviction, Not Control

There are always one or two things to compromise but let it be from the place of personal conviction.

So, brother, wrap it up, there are plenty of ladies out there who fit your description of a wife.

The time you will be using to discuss those things will be better used discussing better things.

I hope you understand me. If you do share, like and comment your opinion on this?

Bible References for Reflection

• Amos 3:3 (KJV) – “Can two walk together, except they be agreed?”
• Proverbs 18:22 (NIV) – “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.”
• 1 Peter 3:7 (ESV) – “Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way…”
• Romans 14:5 (NLT) – “Let each be fully convinced in their own mind.”
• Colossians 3:19 (NIV) – “Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.”

Conclusion: Let Wisdom Lead

This honest piece is a call to maturity, sincerity, and intentionality. It reminds us that relationships should not be mission fields, but unions of agreement and shared conviction. Christian brothers, if you desire certain values in a spouse, seek those values genuinely—don’t demand transformation from someone who never agreed to change.

What are your thoughts on this? Share them in the comments below. Let’s grow in wisdom and love together.