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  • THAT MARRIAGE CAN STILL WORK (3) – Adetutu Oshofowora

    THAT MARRIAGE CAN STILL WORK (3) – Adetutu Oshofowora

    HANDLING THE TRI & TRIAL YEARS: PART 2 (CONCLUDING PART).


    Below are the last 3 points that concludes this series, points 7-10.

    7. Do periodic marriage evaluation time: with your pastors, a good counsellor or your mentors. Listen, particularly within the first few years and you know you are having issues, seek other elderly couples that you know are God fearing, Spirit filled and have a good report and testimony, or go to your pastor. Evaluation and updates are key factors for any organization to succeed. Those who have successfully gone ahead are in the best position to help you navigate certain bumps and bends without casualty.
    But as usual, I want you to know that the presence of storms is not the evidence of failure, things can still work out if we apply the proper measures.

    8. Face it, your spouse is not the only one with a problem, you also have your own issues o, what often causes prolonged period of estrangement is the inability of each person to also look inwards to see what you also are doing to contribute to the fracas. Many ladies for example stop respecting and honouring their husbands after marriage, familiarity sometimes breeds contempt and believe when I say every man craves respect and honour from his wife, if he didn’t complain before, once he becomes the husband man, he will complain.
    Many guys too stop being loving and tender to their wives once they marry them, proximity encourages neglect, they forget that an unloved wife is a troublesome woman, and that there is no manufacturing machine as powerful as a woman, give her grief, she will produce for you misery, give her peace, she give you bliss. So please, both of you, work on yourself too.

    9. One major reason why there’s a lot of stress leading to tension and then constant conflict in young marriages is children and the physical, emotional, psychological, financial and spiritual strain they put on the couples. So listen to me:

    • Get all the support system available before and during your early parenting days, employ house hold staff, outsource different works at home. Don’t try to do it alone, there’s no award for dying before your time through stress. Get help.
    • Don’t have children you are not financially ready to care for, and don’t have children to prove a point. Have only the number you can handle. If you will listen to me, for this present generation, don’t have more than two. Plan for one, so that the second one will be the unexpected Blessing.



    10. Power Of Prayers: Finally on today’s tips. I am a strong believer in the power of prayers, maybe because it works. I’ve come to realise that Children of God talk and complain more than pray. Learn to pray for each other. It’s a difficult thing to remain angry for long with someone you pray for. Sometimes instead of reporting your spouse to him or herself, report them to God. Talk to God about it. I’ve seen it work wonders, so I know what I’m saying. Effectual, sincere and fervent prayers often works.

    Like I said, all these are not exhaustive, they are just tips. But one thing I want you to know is that God is more interested in the success of your home than you yourself, He is ready and willing to help you. You are not alone, You will make it. You don’t give up on a car as common as it is because you have challenges driving it as a learner, do you? No, you keep driving even when you dent it here and there, you panel beat, repair and keep driving till you get it. What am I saying. You don’t give up over Every little challenge or contrary situation. Tough times don’t last but tough people do.
    Adetutu osofowora (TUSKY)

    Note: The part 1, 2 and 3 were entirely the works of Madam Adetutu Oshofowora TUSKY. She can be reached on Facebook via this link https://www.facebook.com/adetutu.oshofowora

  • THAT MARRIAGE CAN STILL WORK (2) – Adetutu Oshofowora

    THAT MARRIAGE CAN STILL WORK (2) – Adetutu Oshofowora

    Yesterday I put up a post about LESSONS FROM MY LIFE AND MINISTRY, things I’ve observed and learnt in my years of counselling and being married that I observed often affect young marriages and then when not properly handled can destroy a home that should have succeeded.

    Now I know that probably again this morning your spouse has once again pissed you off and probably one or both of you have left the house so angry you feel like removing his/her head or just calling it quit, lolll.

    But let’s perform an experiment together, it’s a bad one but just follow me. Pause and imagine for a fleeting moment that he/she just died and you were told. I can see the shock and fear and trepidation on your face already, die! You are already rejecting it in Jesus name, lolllll.

    That tells me you still love him/her ,you are just angry, and the fact that your spouse can still annoy you is my own evidence that there is still passion between you both so there is hope. And none of you will die in Jesus name, you will live so long together, all your teeth will have gone, kissing will become a challenge, but you will keep trying anyway, lollll.

    Today I’ll be dropping some hints on how to navigate those periods and make the best of them, allowing the not too nice experiences to help strengthen your bond. So here are some tips that I hope will help someone out there, as usual, they are not exhaustive.



    10 WAYS TO HANDLE THE TRIAL YEARS.

    1. YOUR SPOUSE IS NOT YOUR BETTER HALF: Try and reduce some of the guangantuan, Everest like and unreasonable expectations that couples have over each other, the major ones being that he/she must meet all your emotional, psychological, spiritual and physical needs. And he/she must also meet up with all your expectations and standards.

    No single human being was designed by God to meet all your needs, stop putting too much burden and expectations on each other. You expect your spouse to kill the cockroaches, put on the Gen, buy the fuel, fetch the water, drive you everywhere, repair your phone, know when you are sad without you showing it, hear your unspoken fears, be ready for sex 24/7, counsel you on all issues, always have answers, and must never get angry, but always nice and smiling with you. Haba! He/she is not God now. Look, have other significant Relationships in your life that can also do some of these things for you, as long as you are not compromising fidelity.

    Listen to me, it took me years to understand this, if you get it now, it will save you serious headaches. Your spouse is not your “Better half”, that adage though so nice sounding is wrong and has caused a lot of problems because it has coloured people’s perception of their partners. Your spouse is not better, nor is he/she your half who is expected to complete you. No, at all. He/she is frail and human like you, prone to misbehaving like you, is a work in progress like you. He/she is not in your life to complete you, that is the work of God, they are there to complement you, so cut each other some slacks, this will reduce poignant disappointments and enhance better understanding. I’m not saying have no expectations, I’m saying be reasonable and realistic with them, and when the person falls short, remember he/she is human like you.

    2. MANAGE PERCEPTIONS: Remove from your mind that everytime your partner does something that hurt or annoy you, it was deliberate, intentional and premeditated. You see, except you married a he or she devil (and in that instance which I also know exist, your case is a bit different from what I’m addressing today), it’s not regular that your hubby or wife will be so jobless as to sit down everytime to plan how to make you miserable.

    Most times, these issues are default mode actions, impulsive reactions, many times born out of ignorance and lack of perception. Now when you understand this, it helps to forestall bitterness, you see, when anger has not reached bitterness, it is containable. Your perception and interpretation of occurences is very important. Once you believe it’s intentional, you will be broken and believe me, most times, the other person is as hurt as you are.

    3. LOGICAL LADIES HAVE MORE RESULTS: My dear ladies, the average guy until years of both good and bitter experiences teach him, is not often naturally expressive, very few of them are.
    God did not wire them like that o, it is nurture, culture and upbringing that made most of them to have that weakness.

    They get flustered, flummoxed and out of their depth when confronted with emotions, so understand that he is just confused when he seems not to know the proper reaction to your tears or anger, and so instead of holding you and saying sorry, he’s just blabbing and defensive or worse, looking like a dum dum, (sorry guys, I’m trying to help you out here, lolll). It’s not that your predicament and feelings are not touching him, he is clueless over how to properly respond. So when he’s acting dumb like that, pity him, understand his handicap. He actually needs help. Don’t accept it as the norm, keep raising it without attacking him. He will adjust over time. But you will get hurt less if you approach it more logically sometimes.

    4. MUSHY IS GOOD 😂: Guys, I’ve said it over and over again, your wife is an emotional creature. Again, women were not created by God to be so emotional, or to be more emotional than Men. The earlier factors I mentioned affected many of us, molding us into who we are today.
    So my Brothers, you just have to learn to be mushy sometimes, you don’t have to feel like it, act it if you must, it will give you peace. If you don’t know how to respond to a woman’s emotional outbursts, seek knowledge, seek counsel, don’t be too proud to call for help. You don’t know and you don’t want to know, what’s wrong with you.

    I’ve once told you guys, you must first make love to your wife’s mind before you make love to her body. An emotionally starved and unstable woman is often a tree like lover, cold and unresponsive. So Bro, get your acts together please. Be more tender, affectionate etc.

    5. MARRIAGE IS DATING GALORE: Don’t stop Courting each other. This point is so very important. A lot of homes are in trouble now because shortly after marriage, they stopped courting each other, what do I mean?.

    You see, the reason why your dating days were sweet and interesting is because you guys were sweet on each other, the texts, love notes, surprise gifts, looks, touch, etc. You courted each other, then after marriage, you stopped and then you wonder why you are fighting always.

    If you are not loving, you will be fighting now, or how do you plan on releasing all that tension. See, marriage is not supposed to end courtship, it’s supposed to enhance and empower it. Stop listening to all the nonsense they tell you that after marriage, you will now face reality, meaning you can now start taking each other for granted. All these Nonsense mindset must stop in 2024.

    Take time out for God’s sake, send love texts, if you don’t know what to say, go and look for my posts on “words that flutters the heart”, there are plenty lyrics there for you. Love is like a glowing coal, when you stop fanning it, it dies. Keep courting each other. Don’t become pathetic lovers in a bid to be good parents and responsible spouses. Marriage was designed by God to be dating square and courtship raised to power 2. A hungry person is an angry person. When you are both emotionally starved, you will often be angry with each other.

    6. ADDRESS ISSUES, DON’T ATTACK PERSONS: Keep talking and raising the issues but avoid accusations and insults as much as possible especially we wives, remember our own strength is often In our tongues, we are graced with a prolific ability to use adjectives and shout. I’m not saying its bad, it’s a grace but use it wisely. As much as possible, address issues not attack his person.

    For example, something happened between my hubby and I in church after service one day. He wanted to branch at the clinic again on our way home to review a patient and I didn’t want him to. Now some 15 yrs ago, I would have said something like, “you are always neglecting me for your patients” but that is attacking his person, and he will naturally be defensive and it will cause fight, lollll, but what I said was : “I don’t want you to go back tonight, I need you at home and I have a right to my husband too and you know it’s not always that I ask for your attention or presence”. Now that is addressing the issue. We pulled it a bit but I finally had my way, his face was a bit hard but there was no offense. All these happened right inside church with so many people around us yet no one suspected or knew what we were talking about because voices were not raised, issues were being calmly addressed and personalities were not being attacked.
    We also didn’t get there overnight. So you can do it too, if you put your mind to it that we can talk about issues without throwing accusations around. Most men are very defensive about accusations.
    To avoid a too long post. I’ll drop the remaining 4 tomorrow. Watch out.
    Adetutu osofowora (TUSKY)

  • THAT MARRIAGE CAN STILL WORK – Adetutu Oshofowora.

    THAT MARRIAGE CAN STILL WORK – Adetutu Oshofowora.

    I’m going to start my work this year by talking about an observation that I’ve made about Marriages generally. In the almost 30 years that I’ve had the privilege of handling different marital issues, I’ve observed that Many of them didn’t have issues at the beginning and they are also two good people.

    Yet, they just realized that few years down the line, especially around 3 years upwards, they just don’t understand each other again. They keep fighting and quarrelling. These quarrels eventually opens the door for so many other opportunistic vices of marriage, and after a while both of them become so miserable and they just want to go their separate ways if only to have peace.

    Now I know that we do have marriages that are terrible and toxic and shouldn’t be saved. By now you should know my stand on different areas of marriage. But countless marriages going through stuff can be saved, and we have them in the majority. Many Homes that broke down could have been helped. I am starting this year with HOPE FOR HOMES, because indeed that home can still work.



    THE USUAL SYMPTOMS AFTER 3 YEARS THEREABOUTS.



    Are the following things a good description of your Marriage presently?

    • The husband seems less attentive, is more brusque, busy and impatient. The wife is wondering who this stranger in her home calling himself her husband is 😂.
    • The wife seems to always have something to complain about, tense, tired, cries (if she’s the crying type) or just fight him, lollll
    • It looks as if the sweet romantic bubble that characterised the dating and courtship period just busted and disappeared into thing air.
    • You seem to talk less, the romance is fading, it sometimes looks like the introduction of marriage into your lives simply brought misery into it, you are both fed up, lollll.
    • You practically argue about everything, quarrel over everything including very unnecessary things. It’s like you don’t understand each other again.
    • Your sex life has become a shadow of itself. Before, you seem not to be able to stay off each other, but now, everything is so drab and boring. And the wife is even always saying No.
    • And worst case scenario. You both realize that it seems you are having emotional affair with someone else.


    These are just some of the issues and frustrations that young homes, especially those in the first three years upwards, it may not be all, but I’m sure many of you married out there can identify, often when these issues are not properly handled, they now invite in their distant but more dangerous cousins like bitterness, strife, unfaithfulness etc into the home. In fact many homes who finally broke down can trace the beginning of their problems to those times. It started small but everything just escalated and went downhill from there.

    Now, I am bringing this up because I want you to know that just cause you are passing through that valley in your home now doesn’t mean that it’s over and so you should give up, throw in the towel and conclude that you have married the wrong person. Not necessarily, you may just be passing through the TRIAL period and not handling it well.

    You see, like I always say, a successful marriage is not a gift, it’s the reward of consistent and persistent commitment and input of both parties to make it work. Yes, marriages are made in heaven because Marriage is God’s product but they are implemented and used on earth where things are far from perfect.

    Remember that both the house built on the sand and the one built on the Rock will both experience the wind, the storm and the rain so because you married a good Person doesn’t mean that challenges and issues will not arise, the good materials of your home foundation will not stop the storms from coming, they can only help to cushion The impact of those challenges and how far it will go depending on your understanding of what is happening and how effectively you can use God’s instructions to manage and handle them.

    This morning I will first highlight for you some of the factors that can cause frictions and issues and frustrations within those first few years. Very simple, salient yet potent though definitely non exhaustive. To treat an ailment, you must first diagnose it. Often, understanding the why of your challenge alone is therapeutic. So why are you having those issues:



    1. ROLE REALITIES: whether you face it or not, marriage instantly confers new roles and responsibility on each partner especially the man, he knows he’s now the husband man, the father, etc, this new mindset often makes them more focused on working to provide for his family, it increases his tension, make him more stressed emotionally and physically, gets more angry, less patient and of course, who bears the brunt of all these, the same woman he’s trying to satisfy which sets into motion a ricochet effect and reaction too from her. He thinks he’s doing everything for her but unknowingly he’s hurting her in the process and she’s gradually hating him for it.

    2. LESS TALK: the constant busy schedule of both of them, which becomes worse if they are now good Christian workers or leaders in church often kills communication between them. They are either busy at work, busy in church or busy at home, so they stop talking, as in really communicating, and since communication is the heart, power house and life of any relationship, once they stop talking, they understand each other less and of course, fight more.

    3. THE BLESSED BABIES: it’s within the first 3 years that babies comes, and believe me when I tell you that those tiny little blessings can strain a marriage if not properly handled, first the new mother makes the mistake of diverting ALL attention to her new baby, neglecting her first love, and expects him to understand and not complain, if he complains, he looks like a bad husband and father so he shuts up but carries resentment and anger inside which of course shows once in a while in outburst. The new mother too is stressed and tired. She’s not sleeping well, always working combining all sorts of responsibility together and often without enough help. Then you wonder why she’s in a Dracula mode. You say nonsense, she gives you back straight. She cannot come and go and die please 😂. The rest is history…

    4. LIBIDO SUICIDE: Haven’t you noticed that for many couples, their sexual life crashes within the first 3 yrs, especially when the first baby arrives and why? Because of number 3 above. Sex is mostly not even on the list of to do things for the wife then because she’s TIRED! Even her tired is tired believe me. The poor guy ain’t getting much again, the few times he is obliged, he can see that she’s either not enjoying it or simply wants him to do whatever he wants to do and get up. It’s also not her fault, she’s going through a lot.

    She herself is confused about why she’s not responding, he too starts doubting himself because of her poor responses or total lack of it, both of them get disillusioned and fed up, tension is building, they are drifting apart, angry strangers in the same house, constantly but secretly asking the question, “what happened to US”.

    6. IN-LAW TERRORISM: it’s also within the TRI year that meddlesome in-laws and their Co labourers which I like to call “The concerned but indiscreet friends and associates” have the first opportunity to besiege the marriage and if not properly handled by the couple, can introduce serious disagreement into the home. I’ve seen couples having serious fights over the husbands parents who insists that the naming of the first born must be done in their house no matter how far the place is. Very ridiculous mindset, the rationale of it beats me, but this and many other intrusions causes tension.

    7. PROXIMITY PALAVER: The painful truth is that no matter how nice and beautiful your relationship in courtship was, marriage introduces a proximity that causes two things :
    A. Overfamiliarity which makes both of you to take each other for granted often subtly and unknowingly and
    B. Your faults and weaknesses becomes more pronounced and magnified now that you are always together. The constant closeness reveals formerly covered little habits & traits, e.g, he doesn’t flush the toilet every time he wees, lolll, she doesn’t take her bath every night! He doesn’t wash his mouth at night! Good gracious! Lolll. He likes kissing early in the morning but his mouth is still smelling or so she thinks, some traits that they even formerly once found attractive can take on a whole new irritating cloak just because of proximity and the list goes on…. Little things that creates resentment.

    9. FINANCIAL CRISIS: I need not talk much about this, we all know how it can cause fight….. And since many couples made the mistake of going into debt to even conduct the marriage ceremony. They started the marriage with financial strain. Won a fee ja pa (they will so quarrel!) You see, it takes finance to run romance, so when there are money issues, fights abounds.

    Now imagine all the above and some other factors like delay in child bearing, loss of a job, ill health of a close family member etc being brought together on a young marriage regularly, suddenly, unexpectedly and for a long space of time, imagine the tension and how it can Rock the boat and if not handled well capsize it.

    My purpose of telling you all this today is to help someone out there, a young couple out there who is going through a rough time and you are thinking that something is wrong with your marriage, something is wrong with your partner, you want to give up. No! Don’t think like that! You are fine, you will overcome the TRI & TRIAL seasons, once you hold on, change your mind set that your partner is deliberately hurting you and then take the necessary steps, things will stabilise.

    I will be addressing the steps to take in another post so that this one will not be too long, but the main purpose of this post is to encourage and inform you so that you will know that there is hope, don’t let go, many of us too have passed through what you are going through in different degrees and measures, we are here standing strong just because we faced it, handled it and surmounted it, turning that challenge into a glue which held us more closely together.

    Like my pastor will say, the fact that you see a couple standing strong doesn’t mean they have no issues, it only means they handle it well. Till next time when I talk on how to Handle the TRIAL years, I want you to just know for now that it is well with your home, you are not alone in whatever you are passing through and believe me when I say that things are not as bad as they seem, it’s all about perception.
    Watch out for THE CONCLUDING PART OF THE SOLUTIONS TO THESE ISSUES. Shallom.


    Wishing you all a beautiful 2024. Your lives and Marriages will advance by Grace this year and your Progress will be evident to all.
    Adetutu osofowora (TUSKY)

    …a successful marriage is not a gift, it’s the reward of consistent and persistent commitment and input of both parties to make it work. Yes, marriages are made in heaven because Marriage is God’s product but they are implemented and used on earth where things are far from perfect.

  • Do This if you want a happy marriage

    Do This if you want a happy marriage

    Another beautiful day!

    You see Marriage is the easiest thing to do in this life if you will follow the simple instruction of love and submission outlined in the Holy Bible and model your homes and families on it instead of modelling it on how someone’s else’s.

    I always said this, anything that is legal, biblical and both of you have agreed on as a template to achieve happy home, fulfilled destinies and godly children, even if that templates are not roads mostly travelled by many, do it.

    Therefore, if separate bank accounts is what gonna give your joy, go for it. You haven’t committed any sin.

    If two rooms is what is going to work for you, each of you should do. Just ensure there’s no out-of-bound room for any member of the family. You haven’t committed any crime.

    If you and your spouse doesn’t famz aṣọ ẹbi (uniform clothes) you are okay. You wearing different clothes is far better than couples with same clothes but lying and deceptive hearts towards one another.

    All what I am saying is that run your marriage should be run by the methods, styles and templates that have been agreed by you and your spouse only.

    As long as no Bible commands are not broken, you are okay.

    After all, there is no sin in being an outliner.

  • My story should inspire You 2

    My story should inspire You 2

    I told you yesterday that o the reason I so much talk about relationship and Marriage stuffs is that I want you to know that you are not the only one going through that challenge. Ours may be similar but keep the faith.

    Another reason I am telling my own personal stories about relationships is that you may know that imperfect life does not exist but a very clean life is actually possible through the grace of God.

    Yes, my Ibadan based girlfriend (now ex) thrice visited me (1 visit at my parents’ abode, 1 completely at my rented abode and 1 at my sister’s).

    You are surprised! Yes, I am the same person who always talk about relationship, sexual purity bla bla bla bla here, a Sunday school teacher, former BSF prexy! But what you think happened didn’t. The how will be in another post but I will tell, do not try this at home.

    My experience from that was why I wrote God Doesn’t Want You To Be A Virgin and that ebook have been download 145 times here as a last count.

    Furthermore, I have entered DMs here asking for relationship (1 never replied till today, 1 said she is older that me – God bless her for saying that because I have come to realize that age is not just a number in marriage, a 40 years old single mother was there, my delightful ex, etc). So don’t be surprised in the future if anyone wan drag me pe I once entered her DM. I was 100% single and it was one girl at a time). Trust me, one want to dupe me with ‘send me transport money’ but I be ladokite now!

    I am thanking always God that I never opened my mouth to ask some ladies even though I have the intention then. One of them is now my wife’s best friend now. Not who you think sha.

    I discovered that one of such was pregnant while I was aiming to asked her out. Today we are cool. She was even the one that advised me to go and marry after my breakfast and after heeding her advice, I hit the gold mine. No dey think you are the one.

    I once regretted someone saying no to me. That’s fucking the only lady I used 3 months to whine up and down. After her, no one before or after (which is my wife) that I used more than 24 hours asking out. Who loves no go stress you jare. Though na me no seriously serious but ọpẹ lo padà jasi.

    Infact, after the birth of my wife, one bombastic element entered my eye. ‘Let her give birth like my wife and see if she go get vibes like Mama Kyle-XY,’ is what my brain tells me. She even worwor sef.

    And if I fail at this beautiful thing, I will tell you but I know my God will upholds me. Ṣebi a sọ fún kòní gbeyin ọrọ mí lorukọ Jesu (Look for Yorùbá person to interpret that phrase but before that help me to say Amen).

    Why I am telling you this, this Joel never live a perfect live but a very clean life.

    But no woman dead or alive can accuse me of serving her breakfast.

    No past scandals and there won’t be any future ones in Jesus name.

    Through the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, I am clean and that is what I am telling as a 21st century single man and woman that you too can have a very clean past through posts like this, blogging, videos, podcasts, Livestreams, ebooks.

    Thanks for always reading me. I love you more than my wife.

    imperfect life does not exist but a very clean life is actually possible through the grace of God.

  • My story should Inspire You

    One of the reasons I shared my life here especially those that have to do with relationships is to tell you that you are not alone.

    What is happening to you is happening to many of us right now or has happened to many of us.

    For example, I am enjoying my marriage but that doesn’t mean we don’t fight (read fight as disagreement) or I have gotten everything together as a married man and a father. Actually, when did I even marry gan sef?

    Like last year, our biggest fight was on how to cook beans. Yes, you heard me right. In fact, it took a week and a mentor to settle it but today, when we look over that scenario again, we laughed.

    So if you and your partner ever fought on garri, or you are arguing over choice of music in the house, nothing bad is happening to you. It is part of growth especially for those of us in our honeymoon stage of marriage (0-5 years).

    So instead of forming a pity party for yourself, why don’t you organized for a pepper soup and dodo (as delivered to a couples customer in the pic) for you family as a settlement package from Praise Foods. We are just a DM away.

    Lastly, Happy marriage is not synonymous to perfect partner, kids and life as the union is exclusively designed for imperfect man and women like us.

    May God upholds our homes in Jesus name.

    If you find the useful, like, share, comment and place your order for dodorized pepper soup. Thanks


  • Make Your Marriage Beautiful by Doing This.

    Make Your Marriage Beautiful by Doing This.

    Many singles think Marriage conveys some sort of special power on the Married or they aren’t ordinary.

    Gosh, my dear! We are ordinary folk like you. Not superhumans. No superpower.

    On a normal day, my alarm goes on by 5am, my wife have probably wake up early.

    By 6am, after I am done with my morning devotions, we will come out for Family devotions and say our good mornings. By this time, my wife has put food on the gas.

    While food is still on fire, I will go for my bath with hot water. After that, I will carry Kyle-XY, while his mum had her bath then he will have his own bath playfully.

    None of these were done by superhuman power. It’s just what everyday folk does.

    By 7am with our breakfasts already packed, we are out hustling for our daily bread. At times, during the day, we contact ourselves. Most times, we don’t.

    Furthermore, most evenings find us in church for one program or the others and we retired home by 7pm, sharing how our days met. Wife went to fix something for dinner while I play with Kyle-XY.

    After dinner, we gist about many things, had family devotions, if we didn’t have one in the morning.

    Then off to bed; at times, one to press his/her phone, other to read or relax. If there is power availability during the night, the first to wake, charge all rechargeables in the house.

    The next day, we rinse and repeat.

    Now, what make our marriage beautiful is staying true to our marital vows through the normal days and very abnormal ones, finding delight and positivity in one’s partner.

    What make us say we are enjoying this time is both spontaneous and inspontaneous moments, the love, and the respect, the shoulder to lean on, the kids to raise, etc.

    Apart from those things as highlighted about, marriage is pretty boring, if you are not a happy person in yourself.

    Lastly, we, the married are regular folks like you and who even told you you need superpower to build a home?

    Like, comment and share this with 5 people.

  • It’s Natural

    It’s Natural

    Whenever Mrs Modupe Ehirim a.k.a Mummy Mo, the founder of The Right Fit Marriage Academy shares her personal experiences especially from her early marital years, I always thought to myself, ‘so I am not alone,’ ‘ this is normal,’ ‘ If they have been successfully overcoming, why can’t we.’

    Dear you, maybe what is happening in your marriage is not demonic or the work of village people.

    It may be what normal couples in their various stages of marriage or lack of knowledge about the particular stage.

    A father-in-law with the, ‘see we too have done that before’ laughter

    For example, a couples in their honeymoon stage (0 – 5 years) tend to lovey-dovey and fight very mundane fights because they haven’t really understand themselves well while partners from 6 years upwards tends to focus more on raisingkids.

    Empty nesters also have their own challenges.

    So instead of lamenting as if you are the only one experiencing that, remember that many have had such experiences and many are having it presently. Peter said, ‘Your brothers in the world are passing through the same challenge.’

    Two, read books and seek professional advice from those who know the roads so that one day when you retrospect, you will laugh and say, ‘So we argued on this.’ 😄😄

  • Fatherhood; Make it counts (2).

    Fatherhood; Make it counts (2).

    Yesterday, I wrote about enjoying the childhood stage and documentation of their childhood in a bid to make fatherhood a worthwhile adventure.

    At three decades of living, I have never seen a train before except in movies and on TVs and the first time I saw at a plane live was in 2022 going for my friend’s wedding ceremony at Ilorin, Kwara State.

    Why because we don’t have a train station and airport in my place. To see both, you got to travel to nearby state or go the state capital.

    Thank God I know about those things and many other like that through reading.

    Introduce you kids to right ideology, things and places early.

    Introduce them to where kings dine.

    Introduce them to profitable discussions are the order of the day.

    Introduce them to technology early in life.

    Introduce them to queenly behaviours

    Introduce them to what will positively benefits them.

    By Traveling. Yes! Plan travels into their holidays.

    Introduce to them good things of life.

    Introduce them to people from different places.

    Why? So that they will not use ordinary piece of pizza get in between your girl’s legs and that your son will not join secret cult because of smart TV.

    Thank for reading. Please like, share and comment.

  • Fatherhood; Make it Count.

    Fatherhood; Make it Count.

    Good morning. How you have a good night rest.

    I was discussing with a friend who is a nursing mother last December and opined and I quite agreed with her that, ‘ baby growth is both scary and teary.’

    Why did she say that and why did I agree? Because, in the space of 6 months, we have seen our boys and girls grow and develop, dropping our character or the other and displaying another one – both funny, not-so-funny, good and bad, bumbling and sick, in a jiffy.

    And I won’t deceive you, they will still overgrow their present stages but as a father (or mother) you can make it memorable for you and baby by doing the following:

    • Play with them. Laugh with them because a baby smile can disarm the formidable USA Army 😀😀😀. I can bet it with you that the smile won’t come every time you are with him/her, but each time you are opportune to have one, you will enjoy it and trust me, it doesn’t last 😭😭😭
    • Document his/her milestones. Be it crying, naming, baptismal, crawling, first step, starting school, family visits, grandma’s backing, play moments, one achievement or the other, etc. Take as many pictures and videos as possible – not necessarily for social media posting but for you to see the growth and development and be happy that you are in the lives of your kids and two, to preserve their childhood for them*

    If you can take them two steps, baby fatherhood can be enjoyable for you.

    Thanks for reading.

    *make sure you backup your videos and photos to Google Drive/photo to safeguard it.

  • Your Husband is not Cheating on You.

    Your Husband is not Cheating on You.

    Love and communication in marriage and courtship are two different things; the former is usually short, meaningful and heartfelt than the latter.

    Communication in courtship is more about proving yourself worthy while that of marriage is more of keeping the house running smoothly.

    Also love in the latter tends to be physical and pardon my language, mundane, but in marriage, love spells the word of protection, provision, and preservation of lives, destinies, properties, family norms, culture and values.

    That’s why a man who will took notice of your new hair every week while you are still dating will hardly notice you make your hair under his roof. The fact is that he didn’t stop loving you but he is now loving the real you devoid of makeup and it’s why you seem not to be bothered about it because what you are loving is no more fleeting but tangible.

    The love was still there but the priority has shifted to another thing entirely.

    Nota bene; this doesn’t mean you shouldn’t appreciate your wife new hairstyle.

    It is also the reason you and husband used to chat through the midnight and almost 24/7, while separate, but now your communication tends more to kids’ affairs (if you have one), in-laws, siblings, career progression, and many other matured convos in marriage.

    Seriously, you guys didn’t lose your communication vibes it is just that it matured to better things to discuss than what do you eat today.

    Same reason a guy who is always afraid that something bad might be happening to you if he called two times without you answering it, now want to be left alone for some period.

    Nothing is happening to you, it is just that your love and communication have matured.

    Abi what do you think? Let’s discuss in the comment box.

  • Why I married my wife despite loving my ex than her.

    Why I married my wife despite loving my ex than her.

    Good day. How has it been so far?

    Today, I want to talk about something very important about choosing who to marry.

    A little story before I delve into the topic at hand. You see, I love Pelumi, my ex, than my wife till now but if I am given the chance to choose between the love of my life and the woman I married again, I will gladly choose the wife over and over again. 1 million times sef gan.

    Now, you must have heard Marriage Counselors opined that love can’t sustain marital journey. I perfectly understand the angle they are coming from but I beg to differ by saying; Love is more than enough to sustain a happy marriage.

    I repeat, love is the principal ingredient for a happy marriage.

    If you love someone, as a husband, you will provide and protect your wife and children.

    If you love your husband, you will truly be a help that meet his needs, vision and purpose.

    Furthermore, look at the attributes of love in 1 Corinthians Chapter 13 and tell me how, where all those attributes are evidently present, will be unhappy?

    But I am begging you today, don’t marry that person simply because you love him/her, MARRY THAT PERSON BECAUSE YOUR CORE VALUES ALIGNED. That was the reason why I dumped her. dumped her and marry my wife.

    If you don’t like to use majority of your marital life fighting one avoidable battle to another and frustrated, marry someone whose core values agreed, aligned, and work with yours especially in this four areas;

    • Religion beliefs and Doctrine.
    • Use of money
    • Parenting styles and
    • In-laws relationships

    Trust me, you don’t want to use your marital life explaining why congregational worship is important to a believer to someone who seem church as a scam or a thing of the heart.

    I repeat myself, it won’t be funny again if your spouse is tightfisted or spendthrift.

    You don’t want to use productive days of life arguing and settling issues arising from misalignment of core values, purposes and visions.

    Can two people walk together except they agreed?

    You know why I am suggesting you choose value alignment over love is because one, you are expected to love all manners of people as mandated by the Bible and two it’s one of the reasons God categorically forbids marriage between believers and unbelievers because He knows you can possibly fall in love with them but your values don’t align, can agree, or worked together.

    Another reason is that God wants you, a happy home and happy home will be unachievable in an environment of constant conflicts, disagreement and misunderstanding

    In the intricate dance of relationships, the choice of a life partner is a profound decision that shapes the chapters of our shared story. While love is undeniably a powerful force, it is values alignment that serves as the compass guiding this journey. Choosing a partner whose values resonate with your own creates a foundation of shared beliefs, fostering understanding, and fortifying the union against the winds of change. Love may be the melody, but values alignment is the harmonious rhythm that sustains the beautiful symphony of a lifelong partnership. So, as you embark on the path of choosing a life companion, let the echoes of shared values be the enduring melody that weaves through the tapestry of your love story.

    Lastly, Embrace lasting love by choosing values alignment. Share your thoughts, like, subscribe, and comment for a community of shared wisdom.

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