This is the 4th article on our treatise of God’s will. In part One, I defined God’s will as God’s command, instructions, likes, dislikes, guidelines and don’ts and dos.
Then in the second part, we discussed types of God’s will, e.g., sovereign will of God, commanded will of God, expected will of God, etc., while the third part highlighted God’s will as it concerns your relationships – be it marital or filial ones.
Now, this thing called God’s will, how do I know it and how I do I do it?
The only way to know His will is by reading His word – the Bible. Everything God has to say concerning anything to human beings, He has said and documented it in Bible.
Therefore, everything you wish to know about God himself, his works, what he likes or hates, how to do relationship with parents, siblings, unbelievers, believers, masters, slaves, employers and employees, etc., you got no choice than to read your Bible.
I have treasured Your word in my heart so that I may not sin against You. Psalms 119:11 HCSB
Don’t just read, meditate the word
I will recommend Youversion Bible app for your mobile Bible app. I’m using the Bible App. Download it now for your mobile device by clicking the red line.
Furthermore, be the doer of what you have read. You will not be justified for reading and meditating but be justified by doing what you read.
But be doers of the word and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. Because if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man looking at his own face in a mirror. For he looks at himself, goes away, and immediately forgets what kind of man he was. James 1:22-24 HCSB
What can help you do the word? Join a Bible believing Church, having a Bible believing and doing friends, read Christian books and sermons.
Additionally, if you think you can do God’s will by wishing or liking to do them, dear, you will fail. By the power of the flesh, no one will prevail. Because your body called Mr flesh that you are carrying just what to disobey God. He is anti-God. He wants to do what God forbids him to do but prayer can help you to put it under subjugation to you.
Prayers make release of grace, power and enablement to do God’s will.
Prayer will be made doing it easy for you and by praying you are simply acknowledging your deficiency for God’s sufficiency. In fact, ‘thy will be done on earth as it’s in heaven,’ is a prayer line taught by Jesus Himself.
Lastly, the greatest of Divine will is that you make it home to his feet at the end of the world. He wants you to receive the gift of salvation as bought for you by Jesus. The basis of starting to do God’s will starts with confessing Jesus Christ as your Lord and savior and ends with staying in Him till the end of the ages.
Let’s pray: Oh Lord, everlasting Rock of ages, let Your will be done in my life in Jesus name.
We have been discussing God’s will since two Sunday ago. We defined God’s will as God’s law, mind, intentions, command and delight and doing God’s will means doing what pleases God.
In the second part, I discussed types of God’s will and said you can’t disobey nor obey God’s sovereignty will, the ones you can disobey are commanded wills and others but not without consequences.
Now, let’s talk about God’s intent and delight about your relationships. Be it friendships, marriage, courtship or whatsoever nomenclature you give it.
Firstly, God’s will is that you should enjoy your relationship. He doesn’t want you to endure it.
Dear friend, I pray that you may prosper in every way and be in good health physically just as you are spiritually. 3 John 1:2 HCSB
Let your fountain be blessed, and take pleasure in the wife of your youth. Proverbs 5:18 HCSB
Enjoy life with the wife you love all the days of your fleeting life, which has been given to you under the sun, all your fleeting days. For that is your portion in life and in your struggle under the sun. Ecclesiastes 9:9 HCSB
For more read Proverb 18:24, 17:17, 27:10
As he want you prosper physically. He wants you prosper relationally.
Secondly, God’s pleasure is that most of whom you relate to are Christians. Most especially in marriage.
…not staying away from our worship meetings, as some habitually do, but encouraging each other, and all the more as you see the day drawing near. Hebrews 10:25 HCSB
Do not be mismatched with unbelievers. For what partnership is there between righteousness and lawlessness? Or what fellowship does light have with darkness? 2 Corinthians 6:14 HCSB
“If he hates and divorces his wife, ” says the Lord God of Israel, “he covers his garment with injustice,” says the Lord of Hosts. Therefore, watch yourselves carefully, and do not act treacherously. Malachi 2:16 HCSB
In addition, God’s delight is that your relationships is a holy ones.
How happy is the man who does not follow the advice of the wicked or take the path of sinners or join a group of mockers! Psalms 1:1 HCSB
Conclusively, this is not an exhaustive list but these pretty much cover all. I will like your voice in comment as to how to know and do God’s will.
I started this series with the definition of God’s will and what it means to do it. Click here to read it.
Now, today’s series is about types of God’s will and how we can key into it for both our spiritual and physical edification. Shall we proceed?
1. Sovereign Will of God.
This is God’s plan that is predestined or decreed in His eternal wisdom. This consists of what the Almighty has decided in His mind to do by His omnipotent power. No creature, whether man or angel can disobey, delay, or thwart this plan. Consciously or unconsciously, we are all playing a part in this plan.
For example, everything about Jesus Christ and the salvation of mankind was decreed before the creation of the earth and everyone – Mary, Joseph, Apostles, Judas, Romans, Herod, Pontus Pilate, etc involved in the play was playing his/her part.
What if Judas refused to betray Jesus? Seriously, if it’s not him, one of the 12 will. Why? It has been written.
Other examples are God’s choice and selection of the nation of Israel (Romans 11:1-2) and most of what was written in the books of Daniel and Revelations fall in this category.
To shock you, the ongoing Russian-Ukraine war, America’s moral decline, the COVID-19 pandemic, breathtaking scientific breakthroughs, etc., are all fulfilling a part in the sovereign will of God concerning the end time.
We can also put the natural laws like gravity, Earth’s rotation, and revolution, and the galaxies into this category for they all work according to the dictate of Almighty God.
Lastly about this, sometimes, God reveals some parts of his sovereign will to us. However, frequently, it remains a secret. God reveals to us only what he wants us to know.
2. Commanded Will of God.
This is also known as the moral will of God. This includes His laws and commandments like the ten commandments (Exodus 20) and many such divine guidelines where Yahweh told us how He wants us to act or not to act.
You can choose to obey or disobey this but there are consequences for any of the actions. (Deuteronomy 28, Isaiah 1:19-20).
3. The preferential will of God.
This is knowing the mind of God on something that is not explicitly stated as a sin. That is wanting to discern what ultimately pleases Him and of His utmost delight.
It means being on God’s perfect side or choosing Yahweh’s stand and as His children, our desire should be to do that which pleases God
For instance, God doesn’t want sinners to perish. It is His utmost delight that all come to repentance. Therefore, doing God’s will towards the sinner will be not to cancel such an individual as someone beyond the grace of God.
God loves the poor and wants them taken care of. Doing God’s will towards the poor will be taking care of them.
This is also called God’s will of disposition. For more on this, read the following verses; Romans 12:1; Colossians 1:10; 2 Corinthians 5:9; Ephesians 5:10, Matthew 18:14; 1 Timothy 2:3-4; 2 Peter 3:9; Ezekiel 18:32; 33:11.
4. The directive will of God.
This refers to the Holy Spirit’s personal and direct guidance in our lives through a dream, vision, prophecy, pastoral utterances, word of wisdom, or other means.
God may want you to do a particular job, married a specific person or not, go somewhere or not, etc and it does not violate any of the “wills” above or Scripture (in fact its validity must be subjected to scripture to prove whether it is the will of God or not).
For example, if you have a dream where you married a second wife as a married man, that is not God’s will because it negates His plan for marriage as explicitly stated in the Holy Bible. The “Macedonian call” (Acts 16:6-10), the guidance of Philip (Acts 8:26), and of Peter and Ananias (Acts 10:1-23) are examples.
5. The discerned will of God.
This is the type of will, we get by application of two or more Bible passages, especially on issues not specifically touched in the Bible.
The decision of who to marry, what city to live, what career to pursue, how many children to have, which school to attend, what kind of car to get, what kind of food, shoes, and clothes, and how much money to give to charity and more are not written in the Bible. We use Biblical principles to discern God’s will on it.
The first example is there is nowhere in the Bible where the name of your spouse is written down as in Mr. A of No 2, Oregon street TX USA must marry Miss. B from No 26, African way, Nigeria but if we applied various biblical instructions about Christian marriages and spouse selection, we can deduce whether they can marry themselves.
5. Expected will of God.
These are sets of laws of what God expects us as Christians to do for our benefit and safety.
God expects us to pray, fast, pay our tithes and offerings, be faithful to one spouse, be diligent and be hardworking plus many other good things
Conclusively let’s pray; Teach me to do your will, for you are my God” ( Psalm 143:10 ).
“Marry God’s will for your life to enjoy marriage.”
“I want to do Your Will, oh Lord!”
All these and many more are cliques and quotes in Christianity that have even made the phrase, God’s will, almost lost its import. Some have even micro-defined it to mean the right marriage.
…but only the one who does the will of My Father in heaven. Matthew 7:21 HCSB
Apart from the fact that God’s will is more than marrying rightly but having a good marriage is not a sign that you did God’s will. What will tell us whether you know His wills and do them is; do you marry a Christian and now even in marriage, whose wills, laws and pleasures are ruling your family? Unless both questions are in affirmation, you haven’t done God’s will.
Now, what is God’s will and what does it mean to do God’s will? Simply, God’s will is God’s words, laws, pleasures and commands and to do them is to do what pleases God.
“I appeal to you, therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” Romans 12:1–2.
I repeat, to do God’s will is to do what pleases God.
Teach me to do your will, for you are my God” ( Psalm 143:10 ).
It’s to do what makes God happy.
It’s doing what God is doing. What He has done or will do.
It is liking what He likes and disliking what He dislikes.
Doing what he commanded is doing God’s will.
It also means to believe in and trust in Him completely.
Lastly, God’s ultimate will is the advancement of his kingdom (Dan 2:44), his glorification (1 Cor 10:31), and the salvation and sanctification of his children through his son, Jesus Christ (2 Peter 3:9).
My name is Alade Joel Adetunji. A relationship, courtship and dating blogger, an amazon certified author, farmer cum teacher and a proudly Nigerian,
Presently, I am an author of three eBooks namely The Tearless Courtship, Pathways to Sexual Purity and A-Z of Content Creation. All available for free on Selar.com and on Amazon for $1.
If it pleases you, I want us to collabo on either a book, a YouTube video interview, a blog post or any worthwhile project that build, help and strengthen relationships, marriages and Courtships.
Especially ‘ don’t add ooo, don’t gain weight oooo, your shape must be like this forever ooo’ gang.
The fact is that it is not even a matter of maybe she will add weight or change shape in marriage, it is a matter she will add weight (and you too will gain weight) in marriage especially during your honeymoon stage of union usually the first 2 – 5 years.
What do cause it?
Gene is one thing. A lady from fatty family will definitely add on flesh, all other factors remaining the same.
For example, one of her parents is fat, one of her grandparents is thick and you know about two or three fat family members, even though she is petite now, she will get in line now or later.
But her mom and siblings are not chubby? Bro, do you know them in riches? Or their SAPA versions are deceiving you?
Queen Elizabeth II through the years.
Another thing is Nutrition. A well-fed woman (and man) will look beautiful and gain flesh. I am not talking about agbado in the morning, cassava in the evening kind of food.
For your information, sperm is proteinous and it makes women gain flesh. Ask Yoruba, what is ‘àgunsanra‘ 😀😀😀
Another thing is biological changes. My guy, your wife will get pregnant, which will protrude her stomach. That stomach will never come back to its original shape till death do you part.
Your baby, she is carrying will add to her kilograms. Those kilograms may not go for life.
Her breast will nurse babies. Continuous Breastfeeding will sag them. God didn’t design breasts to stand forever. Accept that fact.
She will age (just like you).
You can prevent pouring your seed into her thereby preventing addition by pregnancy but how are gonna do that of age?
There are traditional names for wedding anniversaries, from 1st to 80th. This list is based on symbolic gifts that can be given for each anniversary. The tradition is used partly to congratulate the couple for the good fortune that had prolonged their lives together, and partly in recognition of the fact they must have enjoyed a fairly harmonious relationship.
The standard names as used in the United Kingdom are as given below. Please note that this can vary depending on where you are in the world:
1st Anniversary – Paper 2nd Anniversary – Cotton 3rd Anniversary – Leather 4th Anniversary – Fruit or Flowers 5th Anniversary – Wooden 6th Anniversary – Sugar or Candy 7th Anniversary – Copper 8th Anniversary – Bronze or Pottery 9th Anniversary – Willow Pattern or Pottery 10th Anniversary – Tin 11th Anniversary – Steel 12th Anniversary – Silk & Fine Linen 13th Anniversary – Lace 14th Anniversary – Ivory 15th Anniversary – Crystal 20th Anniversary – China
As the world marks the passing away of Queen Elizabeth II of England after reigning for 70 years aged 96 and welcome his son, King Charles III, I will like to remind your how Britain and the Queen encouraged the slavery of Africans. How they kidnapped them and transported them to their plantations and how they moved from house to house burning and raping and enslaving.
Need I remind you that I will also tell you how the British started slavery, underdeveloped Nigeria and ignited civil war in the country.
If you are interested in reading all these and more, you will be tired of waiting because I won’t tell you lies.
The truth is when the Whites arrived on our soil, they didn’t go hinterland to capture slaves rather it was our forefathers who went around capturing their brothers, sisters, sons, daughters and relatives and selling them to the white merchants.
For what? For mirrors, salts, combs and many worthless items.
So, let’s blame our forefathers before blaming somebody’s forefathers for atrocities and acts of betrayals committed against kindred.
Let’s cancel our forefathers and foremothers for being greedy and callous and let call them out for conniving with outside enemies against kiths and kins.
Two, slavery in Africa did not start with the arrival of the oyinbos, Africans have been enslaving one another, long before their arrival.
Does it means since they didn’t start it, they are absolve of all crimes? No but let’s deal with ourselves first before dealing with one. Yoruba will say, ‘e jékí álé eléyóró, kátó fàbò fún adíe,‘ meaning let’s deal with lice first before we come and address the bird.
Furthermore, some Nigerians are accusing the dead Queen of causing the Biafran war and underdevelopment in the country. For Pete sake! The Nigerian civil war called Biafran war was precipitated by January 15 bloody coup.
Did English benefited from it? Yes, through weapons selling. Not just only Britain, but also France, USA and many big economics. Who should we now blame? Must we blamed anybody? If you must blamed then we should blame our greedy leaders for senseless war(s) and let me tell you that the longest war in the world was Kiriji war which lasted for 16 years among the Yoruba people of South western Nigeria. Was the imperial family and her government also responsible for that?
Moreover, about underdevelopment, why do you like to play victim’s card? For crying out loud, Nigeria is not the only country that was colonised. USA, Israel, India, South Africa, Singapore, UAE and many other developed countries are former British colonies. Therefore the story don’t gel at all.
What should now do? Let’s deal with the log in our eyes before asking about the speck in neighbor’s eyes and let’s roll over our sleeves for true Nigerian project.
I can bet it with any of us that, most of that grow up in the church have heard about this biblical command of not being unequal yoke with an unbelieveras far as marriage is concerned even though I believe this verse applies to more than marriage stuff but how many of us realize the import of that golden verse? Maybe we should read it in Amplified Bible
“Do not be unequally bound together with unbelievers [do not make mismatched alliances with them, inconsistent with your faith]. For what partnership can righteousness have with lawlessness? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” (2 Corinthians 6:14)
Perhaps the best example in the Bible for us is King Solomon the son of David who because of his unholy alliances and love for many women and unbelievers fall into the sin of idolatry
King Solomon loved many foreign women in addition to Pharaoh’s daughter: Moabite, Ammonite, Edomite, Sidonian, and Hittite women from the nations that the Lord had told the Israelites about, “Do not intermarry with them, and they must not intermarry with you, because they will turn you away from Me to their gods.” Solomon was deeply attached to these women and loved them. He had 700 wives who were princesses and 300 concubines, and they turned his heart away from the Lord. When Solomon was old, his wives seduced him to follow other gods. He was not completely devoted to Yahweh his God, as his father David had been. Solomon followed Ashtoreth, the goddess of the Sidonians, and Milcom, the detestable idol of the Ammonites. Solomon did what was evil in the Lord’s sight, and unlike his father David, he did not completely follow Yahweh. 1 Kings 11:1-6 HCSB
No matter how lion and cow love themselves, they can’t be equally yoked neither can light and the darkness has anything in common.
Now, here are some consequences of the unequal yoke with an unbeliever in marriage:
Since it’s a willful disobedience, you open your life to Satan intrusion.
Since he is your father-in-law, you can’t bar him from seeing his kid. You can’t bar him from seeing his slave and you can disallow him from checking on his property. Remember, he comes but ‘to kill, steal and destroy.’
Solomon didn’t have any problem until his unholy marital alliances turned him against the Lord.
Then the Lord said to Solomon, “Since you have done this and did not keep My covenant and My statutes, which I commanded you, I will tear the kingdom away from you and give it to your servant. So the Lord raised up Hadad the Edomite as an enemy against Solomon. He was of the royal family in Edom. Now Solomon’s servant, Jeroboam son of Nebat, was an Ephraimite from Zeredah. His widowed mother’s name was Zeruah. Jeroboam rebelled against Solomon, 1 Kings 11:11, 14, 26 HCSB
High probability that you will abandon the faith.
There is an adage that says, ‘ show me your friend and I will show you who you are.’ Therefore, if someone can second guess who you thru mere friendship, how much more marriage?
Solomon was a good king until he married unregenerated souls as wives and they turned him against his Lord. Now the builder of the house of the Lord is building houses for demons. The man who sacrifices to God and fire came down of its own accord is now sacrificing to idols.
Know this; marrying an unbeliever is buying a first class ticket to hell.
Your spiritual life will struggle and suffer.
Brethren, there is a joy marrying someone who you doesn’t need to be explaining fundamental principles of Christian faith to.
There is a joy in marrying someone who doesn’t see Bible study, prayer meetings, communion, holiness, etc as whacky.
There is a joy in having a partner who knows what quiet time means and allows you to observe it and also observe his or hers. There is joy in family devotions. There is pure joy in family worshipping together.
Now, tell me how you are gonna build your most holy faith if someone you are supposed to build within the first instance is not interested in what you are building.
Since all that Solomon’s wives knew were idols from their papas, what else do you think the whole house Convo will be about?
They will not understand your Worldview and how you make decision.
In this kingdom, Bible is our only manual for every detail of our beings.
All Scripture is inspired by God and is profitable for teaching, for rebuking, for correcting, for training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work. 2 Timothy 3:16-17 HCSB
Can you share with me how someone who hasn’t read Bible his/her entire life and is a casual reader knows what God said about parenting, work, marriage, power, enemy, relationships, etc.?
Confusion.
As to which and whose festival should we celebrate? Which parenting styles should you adopt? Whose God should we follow? And so on.
I pity my neighbours’ kids who have to pray in Muslim and Christian ways and must attend Christian and Muslim programs.
They can harm you.
Since they don’t know God, they don’t have his holy fear. Not just physically but emotionally, financially, maritally and psychologically.
They can cheat on you and see no bad it in.
They can mismanage family money and feel not removed.
They can talk you down and talk you out of your dream.
They can verbally abuse you.
They can do all lots of things.
Why? A godless person is a dangerous person
Conclusively, I made this post so that you will not fall into the trap and if you are planning to enter one, please go and cut the relationship.
Caveat; this is a long but beneficial article and two, I am speaking from a Yoruba-Christian perspective which can be fixed in many African cultures. This write-up explains Everything you need to know about getting married in Nigeria.
Let’s start like this, in Africa, a wedding especially is such a big ceremony that involves extended family, money, food, colour codes, culture, music and many more. A wedding is a big ceremony for us.
I could vividly remember my own some months ago with nods of divine appreciation.
Therefore, in this writeup, I will be talking about the following:
What is the wedding?
When should wedding preps start?
Steps/types of weddings in Nigeria
How to have a budget-friendly wedding ceremony in Nigeria? 🇳🇬
Dos and Donts of the wedding ceremony.
What is a Wedding?
Firstly, what is a wedding? A wedding is a formal ceremony to legalise and solemnise a marriage.
It is also an event marking the end of courtship and the start of the marriage.
I want you to note the keywords in both definitions; ceremony and event which can be big, medium or large depending on your pocket, taste and wants. Therefore, don’t expect profit from it. It is not an investment plan.
In addition, I want you to know that the bigness or the smallness of your wedding ceremony has nothing to do with the sweetness, blissfulness and enjoyment of your marriage. You can have it either way and enjoy or endure your conjugal union.
My parents have theirs in my maternal grandfather’s sitting room and 39 God-graced years already down.
When should wedding preps start?
Wedding preps should begin and it usually begins in Nigeria when these two conditions have been met:
When the intending couples decided to take their relationship to the next deep level called marriage.
And two, when all consents have been secured and guaranteed. The parental consents and couples-to-be’ consents.
And I will always advise you to calm down with wedding prep with someone your parents have not agreed with or someone who seems reluctant to the whole idea of marrying you.
You see I didn’t mention when he/she proposes. Why? Because I don’t see any sense in asking your fiance/fiancee of more than 2-3 years if she will marry you after sharing your dreams, and goals, and being introduced to friends and family as lovers. What is the purpose of courtship and dating if not marriage?
Perhaps, you guys have been courting and dating wrongly. That is why I write a book titled A Tearless Courtship – a simpler guide to Christian courtship and dating. Download by clicking here.
Picking a wedding date?
Going by the many steps toward marriage in Nigerian wedding ceremonies, different people determine dates viz:
The bride-to-be’s parents usually pick the introduction Date. Sometimes, the husband-to-be’s parents might
The Registrar chooses the one for the registry.
The engagement date is strictly the bride-to-be’s parents’ call
While the couples-to-be most times determine when they will be wedded at church.
As far as weddings in most Nigerian cultures are concerned, the groom’s family has less to do in the determination of many things.
Steps in the wedding ceremony.
Majorly, there are three to four steps in a wedding that will lead to legal Marriage in Nigeria. All the steps are explained below:
Introduction
This is the first step in the wedding ceremony and it is an avenue for both families to know themselves. My dear, this is strictly nuclear family affairs which concern only important members of both families notably parents, siblings and who both families considered important in their respective families.
and the main event of the day is each knowing one another; more like each family saying officially we know our children are dating/courting, we agreed to their relationship and look forward to them being husband and wife in the nearest possible future.
Furthermore, among other things done on that day is the collection of the bride price list by the groom’s family and sometimes, the setting of the D-Day.
It may also interest you to know that introduction is strictly at the bride’s parents’ house and not vice versa and if you are the groom, make sure your family visit with a basket of fruits/gift and if you are the bride, make sure your family entertains your future husband family.
A typical introduction package from groom’s family.
Less I forget, exchange of rings by couples are also done here too.
Dear Christians, please even if you have all the money to spend, you still don’t need a tent, cake, drum or hall for the introduction. 8 – 10 people from both sides are enough and the bride’s parents’ sitting room is beautiful enough.
Apart from what you guys will wear, you don’t need to borrow to fund it.
Registry
The second step to a successful wedding day is Filling of wedding notification at your Local Government Area Secretariat.
This is usually done after determination of wedding date.
At the registry, the registrar will ask for two passports each of intending couples and a joint photography of them to be pasted on the LGA notice board for 21 days.
But before that you will be asked to pay certain amount of fee – a very small amount of money into different accounts usually 3 bank accounts.
After the payment of required fee and if there is no objections to your intention within that 21 days that your names are on the bann, the registrar gives you the date to come for your joining and vow taking. Shikena! Lobatan!!
Guys, two secrets here; number one, you don’t need to go to any Federal Registry to have your wedding. All weddings conducted at every LGA in Nigeria is valid and legal as confirmed by Supreme Court last year. Asejuni Ikoyi Registry, your LGA is okay.
Secondly, on that day, you don’t have to panic. Basically what you do in front of the registrar is him/her highlighting and telling you those you can’t marry under the law and the consequences of breaking such laws and where are you having your white wedding, peradventure you are going plus saying your vows. If your answer is in affirmative, as per who can’t marry, you take you vow by placing your hands on the Bible and munching some word after the registrar, kisses the Bible and sign your marriage certificate then boooooom you are legally married under Nigeria Marriage Act. 😍😍😍
This is perhaps the cheapest type or step of wedding in terms of cost and time. If you guys are still going to church, 4 person is enough – your LOML and you plus two friends preferably best man and chief bridesmaid plus you don’t need new clothes for this and if yours is stoping here, only 4 people is actually needed to sign the certificate, so you still don’t need crowd. Why crowding when hardly will you guys used up to 30 minutes?
Engagement/Traditional wedding.
This part is the most important step of wedding ceremony. This is part where you marry your wife according to the culture, traditions and practices of your soon-to-be wife.
Groom and his friends prostrating for the bride’s family.
Traditional wedding is more of larger introduction ceremony; now, all your extended family can and should attend this one and two, payment of bride price and dowry as the case may be.
This is a very colourful and entertaining event reverend highly among the Yoruba because it is a day of heartfelt prayers, asoebi, dance, money spraying and a sort of family reunion.
It is usually anchored by two MCs namely Alagaijoko (sitting MC) representing the bride’s family and Alagaiduro (standing MC) who is representing the groom’s family.
I will also sound a note of warning here; as a Christian I will advise you to engage the service of professional Christian engagers. These ones will not waste your time and money and make your joyous day, a day for the Lord. With secular engagers out there, it is cold outside.
Part of the activities for that day (in no particular order) include:
Introduction of both family collectively especially the parents of the couples.
Prostration of the groom for the bride’s family indicating that please accept me as your biological son and give me your daughter I will take care of her.❤️😄😍
Prostration of groom’s friends for the bride’s family signifying that please give our friend your daughter, he will take care of her. 😍
Kneeling down by bride for the groom’s family indicating that “accept me as your biological daughter.”
Kneeling down of bride’s friends.
Prayer by both families for their newly acquired children.
Payment of bride price by the groom’s family meaning, “take this token in appreciation of taking care of our daughter who has been with you all these while” and collection of such by bride’s family.
Greetings from both families.
Reading of proposal and acceptance letter by someone from bride’s family.
Cutting of cake and Exchange of rings
Husband giving her wife, the first feeding fee. 😍😄😁😃😁. LoL! I gave my wife 500 naira.
Etc
This is also done exclusively at bride’s place and basically traditional wedding is technically merging the two family to be one
As per entertaining attendees, it depends on your pocket, the norm now is to share puff puff or jollof rice in a take-away manners.
If you successfully do this, congratulations you are now married. In fact no religious houses will solemnize your marriage with payment of bride price in Nigeria.
White wedding
This is the last step in being legally married in Nigeria and must be conducted within 3 months of filling your marriage notification at your LGA. It is called white wedding because the bride always wear white wedding gown which signifies purity in the day of yore but I think proper name this day should be church wedding and two it is not compulsory to wear white colour as a bride if you don’t have the financial power to get one and purity is more than than colour.
I knew of a wedding conducted more than four decades ago with traditional clothes for both groom and the bride. Also recently a couples went viral on FacebookNG for rocking traditional igbo clothes for their church wedding.
Basically, what you do here is solemnization of your wedding before God, His angels and His people – the church by promising to take care and love your spouse in all circumstances.
This is perhaps the most expensive part of a normal wedding in the country but the main thing is never borrow to fund a wedding ceremony.
If I may shock you, apart from the couples and their helps (best man and chief bridesmaid), only six other person are needed – 3 each from both sides to sign the certificate.
Now, before I closed this part, I wish to inform you to ignore naysayers who is saying that weddings conducted in churches are illegal. They are liars. Weddings conducted in a licensed churches by a licensed minister are perfectly legal. Infact you will be given two copies of marriage certificate bearing the seal of the Federal Republic of Nigeria – one for you and one for filling at your Local Government Area Secretariat and a scratch card for e-registration of your marriage on government website.
Reception.
I am just including this part as a formality not that it conveys any legal entity on the marriage. It is just an avenue to entertain friends and family.
If you are a mid-income earner, allow your parents to finance the budget of this part because they will surely have more guests than even both of you will do. Infact times three of yours especially your moms 😍😁😁😄.
Dos and Don’ts of Wedding.
1. Do not borrow to fund your weeding. It is gross irresponsibility to do. It is wise and advisable to start your family debt-free.
2. Stay by your budget and if anybody ask for the wedding of his dream, tell the person to finance it for you.
3. For you, the intending husband, make sure you get the bride price list on time and start getting imperishable items.
4. For your traditional wedding, employ Christian engagers that will not waste your time and resources.
5. If you will go to church (some will not go to church but end it at registry after the payment of bride price), please tell the officiants about the plan for a simple, debt-free, glorious wedding plans. Most of these pastors want to help but we hid a lot from them.
6. Except for little bride and groom, usee matured grown-up adults for your bridal train. It will save you from thousands of post-wedding apologies and remove stress from your preps.
7. For your little bride and groom, make sure you collect your money from their parents before buying their clothing materials. After party, shingbai you no go see collect.
8. Make sure you are in great physical and mental conditions during your wedding preps. That period is not the period for extended fasting and rigorous spiritual activities.
Before marrying, we all had ideas about what married life would be like. We played out scenarios in our heads and spent our dating lives mulling desires in the backs of our minds. When we married, we made our spouses responsible for fulfilling those desires. “I do” was barely out of our mouths when we placed the burden of our needs on our spouses’ shoulders. That burden set our spouses and our marriages up for failure. Eventually, our desires became demands, and that’s when problems arise. What was once, “I hope our marriage…” became, “You promised to…” Demanding that your spouse meet your needs is a recipe for disaster. When our desires become demands or expectations, our marriage relationships begin to resemble contractual partnerships. In a contract marriage, promises are made, and both husband and wife look to each other to keep those promises. In that kind of marriage, everything is okay as long as husbands and wives do what’s expected of them—what they owe. But when they miss a payment, the penalties can be swift and severe. After all, contracts don’t often include clauses stipulating grace and forgiveness. The opposite of a contract marriage is a covenant marriage. In a covenant marriage, both husband and wife put the other’s needs first. Each spouse is committed to loving the other unconditionally and without demands. That’s the kind of love God shows us—the kind he has designed to be the fuel for thriving marriages. Unfortunately, not every marriage is a covenant marriage. And even in covenant marriages, it’s impossible for husbands and wives to completely meet each other’s needs. If we have God-given needs our spouses can’t meet, what can we do? Ignore those needs? Pretend they don’t exist? Suppress our desires in an attempt to be selfless? Should we just abandon the hopes and dreams we brought with us into marriage? In a letter written to the early church, the apostle Peter offers a different solution: Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. (1 Peter 5:6–7) God didn’t design your marriage so your spouse would meet all of your needs. Your spouse will meet some of your needs, but only God can meet all of them. His plan is for you to depend solely upon him. In thriving marriages, each spouse trusts God to meet their needs without making demands of the other. Your desires and dreams will always matter to God, even when they don’t seem to matter to your spouse. Bring them to God, and you’ll find that he gives you the strength and grace to carry on.
Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God, so that He may exalt you at the proper time, 1 Peter 5:6 HCSB
Do nothing out of rivalry or conceit, but in humility consider others as more important than yourselves. Everyone should look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others. Philippians 2:3-4 HCSB
Courtship Forum 