In the course of my work as a Marriage Educator and Counselor, I meet many people who desire to marry.

The young women lament that they can’t find good men.

The young men too lament that they can’t find good women.

I find this somewhat perplexing because many young men and women that I meet have great characteristics. It seems to me that both men and women do not know how and where to meet prospective partners who fit them.

In The Right Fit Marriage Academy we asked married people to tell us how they met the persons they married. Here are some responses we got:

“I met my fiance in our campus fellowship. He was my discipler��. He was an executive in the fellowship, one of those spiritual brothers we look up to in the fellowship. Through our discipleship class, we became friends and friends became intimate friends and from there it happened ��” T. A.

“I had graduated from school but visited UNN for some other reason and noticed her but never spoke to her at all..so after many years I got a recommendation from a good friend of mine and when I asked for details..her name popped up. I searched my Facebook friends list. Luckily she was there and her number was also there. I took her number from there and started calling..and she finally agreed to take the ride of life with me. Best pal ever.” I. N.

“My husband met me at his colleague’s wedding. The mother of his colleague is my church mum. I had to drag myself to the wedding. Hubby was just taking pictures of us with the bride as we danced with her. According to him, he was just taking a random picture and later I came to stand close to him and he took another picture of me. He was just scrolling through the pictures he took and he was like this lady’s complexion is captivating (I’m dark skinned and he told God he wanted omo dudu.lol). When the colleague came back from honeymoon, he asked her for my number. She had to ask her mum for my number. Her mum questioned and questioned and called me before releasing my number. I was a bit skeptical at first but I agreed to meet him. And days turned to weeks and I met him officially two months after we began talking. We’re now married.” O. A.

These responses show that meeting with a prospective marriage partner happens as you go about your regular activities. However, you have to be present and intentional in order to recognise the opportunity when it presents itself.

What should a person who is eager to find a suitable partner do? If you are that person, what should you do?

Here are seven steps that will help you to overcome the “scarcity problem”.

1. Avoid Pity Parties

Your attitude and mindset play a significant role succeeding in any aspect of life including finding the person you will marry. Avoid feeding discouragement and bitterness because you have not yet met a good partner. If you have a cheerful and optimistic attitude and outlook, you’ll be much more attractive to a prospective spouse.

2. Look beyond your immediate community.

Be open to the idea that a prospective partner that fits you may currently live in a place that is far away from where you currently live. Long distance relationships have their own problems, true. The problem is not the distance. If you know and practice courtship principles that work for a long distance relationship.

3. Keep your eyes open with people you already know.

There may be a person that you have known for a long time without having any romantic ideas about them. If you pay attention, you may suddenly see such a person with fresh eyes and see in them a possibility of a relationship with them. At times, your friends may see the possibility of that person being suitable for you and nudge you towards them.

4. Accept assistance from GOOD matchmakers – Family, friends, professionals.

One Marriage and Relationship expert stated the dramatic finding that 63% of married couples were first introduced to each other by family or friends. Be open to suggestions and advice from RELIABLE family members and friends. In our careers and businesses, you and I appreciate the value of networking. We are open to using our networks to make beneficial connections. Why not let the same networks work for you in your search for a prospective marriage partner?

5. Use the Online Space – Social Media, Dating apps.

You, like many people, may find the online space scary. Yet it is a great platform for meeting new people who share similar interests with you. What you need is to carefully choose the online spaces that have developed a solid reputation and where people of similar age, background, beliefs and interests gather. While interacting with people in the online spaces that you choose, exercise discernment. Today, you can find out a lot about people you meet online even without asking them any questions.

6. Go to places and events where people who are like-minded are.

If you want to catch a fish, you go to where you think the most fish are. If you want to make a sales contact, you attend meetings with the likelihood of finding potential clients. If you want to find a prospective marriage partner, it makes sense to go to locations and events where you know that the kind of partner you are looking for is likely to be. Meetings, conferences, training programs.

7. Seize your moments of opportunity.

If marriage is one of your life’s priorities, then you should be intentional about the activities that will make it happen. If you are not intentional, you may actually miss good opportunities for connecting with someone who could be a great match for you.

Do you have additional tips to add to this list? Share with us.

Written by Mrs. Modupe Ehirim via The Right Fit Marriage Academy on Facebook.