Blog

Presently now on Nigeria social media space and trend table, the hottest topic is domestic violence after the death of sensational singer Osinach Nwachuckwu, the crooner of Ekwueme as a result of domestic violence from her alleged husband.

Many are raging and in fact I am livid not because of just this one star gone forever but for many women, girls, men and boys stuck in abusive relationship.

No one deserves to be abused. Absolutely no one.

But what has happened has happened, the next agenda is to prevent another ugly occurrence of this nature now and in the next generation.

Now, what do I intend to do, peradventure God gives me son(s) not also excluding my daughters from the lessons.

To be truth, I won’t teach my boy, do not beat the women in your live.

I won’t teach him not to hit his girlfriend.

I won’t teach him not to abuse his wife.

Teaching him that is like leaving leperous to treat ringworm. It is like leaving the disease and treating the symptoms. The treatment won’t produce the maximum result you and I desired.

Now, what will I teach him?

I will teach him to respect everyone. Every human being, irrespective of their gender, tribe, affiliation, leaning, orientation and religion, deserve a respect. Even if that person is behaving disrespectfully, still respect him/her.

Not just respect in restraining your hands but also in restraining your tongue, eyes, and hand and giving the other party, the right of disagreement.

I believe Respect will solve the problem of inferiority/ superiority complex because an abuser thinks he/she is better than his/her abused.

The second lesson is the lesson of dignity of life of person, animal and plants. Every living things have a right to stress-less living and abuse is stressful living.

The second reason for lesson no. 2 is that every life matter to God and if everyone matter to Him, every life must matter to us too and because of importance of every life to Him, He doesn’t abuse them. Therefore, what God can not do, we don’t do.

The third lesson is the principle of love. Majorly, the love of God and the things of God plus the holy fear of the Almighty.

If you love God and fear Him, you will strive to be like Him. God is not a beater.

If you love God and fear Him, you will love His creations which include human, the masterpiece of creations.

If you love and fear God, you will love what He loves and it is a known fact the Almighty loves us.

If you love the Almighty Creator, you won’t destroy what He created. Abuse is destructive.

Furthermore, I won’t just teach him to love God but also the attributes of love as outlined in 1st Corinthians 13 part of which says ‘ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.’ (NIV)

An abuser is impatient, unkind,envious, boastful, proud, dishonored and selfish, not forgetting that if the person didn’t desist and repent from the unholy act, the individual is hellbound

In addition to the three lessons, is the lesson of non-toxic, non-confrontation and non-abusive dispute resolutions through effective communication, therapy and seeking professional advice.

I will tell him that every fight, disagreement and ruckus must not end in broken relationship, fists, blows, divorce, caustic words and emotional/physiological trauma especially marital relationship.

Why? Because there are many better ways of resolving and solving marital problems without beating one another. Infact beating and abusing won’t resolve any problem in marriage, it will only aggravate it.

Then, lastly I will teach my boy(s) and girl(s) that in marriage, divorce is not an option but if your marriage gets to hot, seek God, seek out and seek help. The law of life is higher than the law of Marriage. Marriage/Courtship is meant to be enjoyed not to endured.

How do I intend to impart these lessons? I will be his model right before I have him.

I will also impart it during our ‘me and daddy chats,’ during family devotions and fun moments to respect, love, dignify and resolve conflict amicably with his girlfriend, mother, sisters, female friends and colleagues and their gender.

With all the lessons ably taught and modelled by my wife and me, through the help of God, I believe he won’t abuse or hit anyone physically, verbally or emotionally.

Thanks for reading. Remember, to like, share and comment.