When I was newlywed (still newlywed though), my wife and I used to have a lots of disagreements due to our differing backgrounds. I was afraid of the constant bickerings not until our family mentor told us that the conflict is normal and that it is part of adjustment to one another.

So if yours look like mine as newlywed, don’t panic and if long-wed, still don’t fear, conflict and disagreement are inevitable in family, Christian homes inclusive as a result of our various backgrounds and experiences.
In those days, as the disciples were increasing in number, there arose a complaint by the Hellenistic Jews against the Hebraic Jews that their widows were being overlooked in the daily distribution.
Acts 6:1
The only antidote to it is EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION.
But what is Communication? Communication is the art of sending out thoughts, feelings, ideas, visions and belief by speaking in a manner that is understandable by both the speaker and the listener.
A communication is said to be effective if it’s understood by all the participants.
Furthermore, total Communication is 7% words, 38% tone of voice, and 55% nonverbal.
Tools for Effective Communication.
1. Conflict is bound to happen, denial is not the best course of action.
2. Agreed from onset that your partner (and children) is not your enemy.
You are on the same team. You both want the best for the family.
4. So therefore, depersonalize the problem. It is the the problem that have problem not your spouse.
3. Prepare for conflict and disagreements. To shock you, what causes fights in the house are inanimate objects. Phew!
Agreed from onset that your partner (and children) is not your enemy.
4. Do not assume that the offender offends you if you haven’t let him/her know that he/she does. The offender may sincerely not know. Therefore, speak.
5. If the offender is a man, resolve it by telling him straight. Men are more rational being (speak about 15,000 words per day) than women.
6. If a woman said, ‘you offended me.’ Be it your mother, sister, friend, colleague or wife, let her talk because women are more emotional ( speak 25,000 per day) and just say sooooory.
7. Do not sweep any disagreement under carpet.
8.Therefore RESOLVE ALL CONFLICTS IMMEDIATELY AND TACTFULLY.
9. When resolving a conflict, communicate in such a way that you are understood. Big grammars blur effective communication.
10. Don’t exaggerate. Statements like ‘you always fumbled,’ ‘you are up to no good,’ ‘you are this,’ ‘ you are that’ are all silly exaggerations. Your spouse (or kid) may have truly offended you but that doesn’t mean he/she is such a complete idiot (in Arthur Pendragon’s voice).
These exaggerations aren’t helpful or truthful and put your spouse on the defensive. (Proverbs 25:18)
11. Choose a proper time to engage.
Wanting to resolve a conflict during a hot Premier League march between Chelsea FC and Manchester City FC or NBA match may not produce desired result for football lovers. Same goes to women too.
12. When your spouse is registering his/her grievance, please LISTEN (we men should abundantly take note of this).(James 1:19).
RESOLVE ALL CONFLICTS IMMEDIATELY AND TACTFULLY.
13. Don’t become irresponsible because of the action of your offender.
If it your wife is the offender, don’t stop being a good husband.
Peradventure, the offender is your husband, don’t renege in performing your wifely duties to him.
At work, don’t reduce productivity.
14. Say SORRY and ACT SORRY; whether you are right or wrong. Saying sorry and not acting sorry is tantamount to playing on someone’s intelligence.
15. Don’t deny yourselves of your conjugal rights.
16. In case of recurrent disagreement bordering on illegality, report to higher authority.
17. No yelling, foul language, or name-calling. (Ephesians 4:29; Colossians 3:8).
18. Don’t transfer aggression to innocent people.
19. Don’t physically, emotionally, physiologically abuse one another.
20. Stay on topic. No bringing up past unrelated issues. (1 Corinthians 13:4-5; Philippians 3:13-14)
21. Allow for “time outs” (where you take a break from the discussion) when things are getting heated before one of you loses your cool. If either one of you calls a “time out,” both of you respect that. (Psalm 37:8)
22. Take turns talking. Do not interrupt each other. (Proverbs 1:5)
23. Take a break to pray together when it seems like you aren’t getting anywhere. (Psalm 32:6)
24. Don’t threaten divorce. (Matthew 19:6)
With all these points and steps, I believed that conflicts can be resolved.
A quick question: who is supposed to say sorry first between husband and wife?
Reference
Points 17 and 20 – 24 from YouVersion 4 ways to fight fair in Marriage Devotional Plan




























