We have talked, written, podcasted and blogged about how a wife should cultivate a working relationship with her mother-in-law. I think it is time to talk about mothers striving for a good relationship with their daughters-in-law.
Having said that, my unconfirmed research said that 5 out of 10 mothers-daughters-in-law relationships are unhealthy, 3 are healthy while the remaining 2 are on “dey your dey lemme dey my dey*” but you as a potential or mother-in-law can cultivate a good and hearty relationship with your daughter-in-law through the following ways:
1. Know where your daughter-in-law is coming from.
For instance, my wife is coming from a background where they employed caterers for their ceremonies, wherein in mine, we used our wives. It will amount to insensitivity should my mum be expecting my wife to do “olobinrin file**” fully. It won’t work well if she has those expectations of her.
In another instance, up to when she will be getting married, my wife and her siblings called themselves by their birth names or pet names and none of her uncles’ wives adds sister to her name as culture demands. So my mom shouldn’t be expecting that from her except she willingly wants to.
Dear mother, know the difference and respect it. Things won’t always be the same. Have honest expectations.
2. Have a honest expectations.
Mother, this is the 21st century and there is still a respectable lady out there for your son who will see you as her mother but she may not be able to tolerate many things you tolerated with your mother-in-law.
She may not able to use her hand to wash your clothes.
She may not be available to come and stir amala at the family ceremony.
She may not call your son and daughter aunties or brother
She may not even allowed omugwo.
She is not bad but times are changing and women are getting educated nowadays and they are gainfully employed.
3. Respect your daughter-in-law.
Respect is reciprocal. If you want respect from her, respect her too.
If you want a gift from her, give her a gift too.
Click here to see the gifts you can give your daughter-in-law
Respect her womanhood.
Respect her humanity.
Respect the fact that she can harm your son and she hasn’t.
Respect as the lady of the house as you are the lady of your husband’s house.
Respect her.
4. Accept the biblical fact.
What biblical fact? The fact that “the two are naked and are not ashamed.”
Meaning; that as far as your son’s priority towards his mum and wife are concerned, the latter take preeminent in every area.
That is the fact that can liberate you. If you thoroughly trained your son, he wouldn’t have a problem with leaving you and cleaving to his wife.
Thanks for engaging.
*dey your dey lemme dey my dey is a pidgin language meaning be on your lane let me be on mine
**olobinrin ile mean wives of the house. This is a system common among the Yoruba in which the wives in the family comes together to cook and serve during family ceremonies.
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